Unlearning conflict avoidance - 8

[MrBond]

"Not being addressed by name for weeks, not having it mentioned when Happy Birthday was sung, etc., being a nonentity in her eyes, bugged me, so for me this was important. I also think it was good to show my annoyance."

It's petty. As a matter of fact, not many couples call each other specifically by name. When you don't have to say the other person's name, it requires a level of intimacy that shows understanding and not disrespect.

"Details? My son and I did not go to Italy over Christmas, as my daughter was upset with the idea and wanted him home (said the whole family should have discussed this earlier)."

And you gave in, of course, just as you do with your W. You don't realize how you continually groom your D to be like your W and your son to be like you.

"He and I did go biking (Sweden had an above freezing Christmas) and did other small things though, so it was okay. The trip was postponed to early April, when he has vacation, and wife/daughter are still in school, so they cannot have objections."

You're teaching him to give in just as you have. Do you really want him to be like you? And your D like your W? Just before your last post, you said your D was treating you with disrespect and you were going to tell her that you will not be treated in such a manner. But you gave in as usual.

"I didn't have the stomach/b***s/courage for any fighting, and so sleep downstairs. This upset me a lot for a few days, but then I got used to it."

Gone back to the same behavior as before. What fighting was there? You still hadn't gotten yourself strong in yourself in order to stand up to your W.

"The divorce, just 45 days away now if all goes as announced, will hopefully change this,"

If you're hoping for that, I can say you will be sadly disappointed. If your W doesn't treat you with respect now, do you honestly think she will do so after she gets a new man in her life? When that happens, you'll be bullied by her, her OM and your D.

"as we then share the kids, and so I will get to see my daughter more."

But by then she may not want to see you.

"I am just letting the previously announced divorce come down the tracks at me. Why fight now? There will probably be plenty of potential for that as the year progresses."

No one said you have to fight FOR a D. You have to start fighting for YOU. Did you actually file or did your W?

"Enough."

No it's not. You don't understand that it will get worse and it will follow through onto the rest of your relationships and your children. It already has just as everyone has warned you and each time you give an excuse for it.

Bottom line is you haven't fought for you.