Thanks for the no expectations reminder. I don't think I've had expectations about our relationship, that feels futile. But I was developing some expectations of his progress or wondering, now that he's on AD, maybe he'll be more involved with dds. That's still an expectation.
The good thing about'H is making some positive moves' is that I am really able to remove that sign of positive movement from our relationship. Couldn't have done that a year ago! But whether he is taking positive actions or not, it has little to do with me. I've been overwhelmed with my own issues to work on lately!
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that struggled with alanon at first. I like the quote about fear, it sure is the truth! Much easier to hide from uncomfortable feelings, but I'm pretty determined in most things and I like that about myself now. So I'll keep going and facing my feelings.
I finally found a definition of detachement that I can live with & wanted to share in case anyone struggles with the same thing. This isn't new info I'm sure for most, but I really spent the last couple of months beating myself up over feeling that detachement was too harsh! I finally can accept that detachement is doing whatever I want to do without expecting anything in return. So I can be kind and loving even, but it comes from a place of me being who I want to be, not to try to get kindness and love in return. Giving without any emotional strings attached.
This has really helped me. Because I thought, in order to be truly detached, I had to cut him out of my life and have no feelings there. Which made it difficult to know how to interact during the times I did see H. I felt cold and unfeeling, and that was in direct opposition to the person I've become over the past year. But when I was normal and kind, then I felt I wasn't detached!
It feels good to have that figured out in my head. I'm a sloooowwww learner!
