Newbie needs help:husband left Saturday

[LoisB]

I know how much this hurts. I'm so sorry you have found yourself here.

No, you didn't deserve this. There's nothing you could have done to prevent it.

So here's what I wish I had known almost exactly 24 months ago:

It's not my fault. I didn't do a damm thing to cause this crisis. The marriage wasn't perfect and I'm not perfect, but NO ONE deserves this pain.

Two years from now, I'm going to be one awesome lady with a strength I never knew I had. I'm going to like myself, I will enjoy a brand new confidence and I will have accomplished things I never thought possible. My H is still spinning. I'm not.

My kids will be ok. My children are thriving. It's taken us a while to get here, but we are healing and, about six months ago, we started laughing again in a really happy, healing way. Before we laughed and got through the day. Now, we enjoy our days.

My life is way better than it was with H. Way better. I'm stronger, the house is prettier, the kids feel more secure to be themselves in their own home and I like my life. It's not perfect, but I'm getting there.

Feel the bad stuff. Let it out. Don't try to pretend you are ok for the kids. It's ok for them to know you are sad, it gives them permission to feel their own scared, sad, angry feelings.

You DO have control over what you think about. When you begin obsessing about H and OW--turn it off. I know it's hard, but the sooner you learn this habit, the better off you will be.

It's not what you are thinking anyway. She is simply a "fix" for whatever he is avoiding feeling.

I'm sorry you are experiencing this, but I'm also excited for you. Strong women and men are born on these boards.

You will be ok. I promise. Think of one comforting thing you can do for yourself tonight. Something lovely and special and nurturing to your heart.

Lots of Love,

Heather