Don't email any response to what she asked. As I've said, both of you need time apart. If she chooses to continue seeing OM, you can make final decisions later. I don't see how you could make rational decisions about the M at this time b/c of all the emotions you're experiencing.
When you back away from her, you are separating yourself from the drama around her. For a few days, I think it would help you to let all her calls go to VM. Ignore the TM & emails if possible, but even if you read them......don't respons for a couple of days. If you just have to say something at some point, tell her you need space and time (which you really do). She should understand that statement, right?
Look, she didn't let a little thing like wedding vows keep her from having an A (I'm being sarcastic), so why would she be in a hurry for a D? Unless of course, it's b/c the OM is sticking to what he told her about not coming around him until she has a D. She sees he isn't going to play her game and dangle along, so that could press the urgency for D papers, IDK. But the point is what she says today will change tomorrow.
You don't have to give her any answers right now. If she pushes for a meetup to talk, don't agree. End the call and firmly tell her you do not want to see her or talk to her.........and until you do, if ever, leave you along.
This may sound immature to some, but she needs to hear that you don't want to be around her, and you really need space from her. Remember, a WAW has to suffer some type of loss before she begins to come out of the fog. Is she going to believe she has lost the OM first........or is going to believe she's lost you first? You see how she went after him when he appeared to fed up with her. In her WAW state of mind, I believe she will want the first one who she thinks she has "lost" due to him no longer wanting her. Please pay close attention to those last few words.
It's no longer about being less available to her. That has past. The only thing left, IMO, that will have any impact whatsoever, is for you to go completely dark on her. But from what I've heard, it takes b@lls to do it. And you can't do it as some type of tactic to force her back, but rather as the last resort you have left. Drop the rope, dingo, and just let it alone. Focus on you and being happy without her.
They may get thicker for a while, and she may file for D. There is no guarantee she won't, but what else can you do? When it gets to this point, most of your options have been closed.
You can step back from her and contact a DB counselor for advice. Have you talked to one since all this began?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
