The reason that I asked about if they were similar in personalities is because my sister and her son are the same way. They are identical in the way they do things and my sister is harder on him than his sister. I think they treat the children that way because they see so much of themselves in them and they don't want them to be the same way they are, but that's only my opinion.
That's been my experience as well. We as humans tend to be harder on those we care about and those we see that are so like us, they do the things we dislike about ourselves.
That's human nature. It's not an excuse though. We're not animals; we learn our behaviors and we learn how to overcome. Not always very quickly though, eh?
They will figure out their relationship over time.
I doubt seriously he hates her or that she hates him; and it's a fine line between love and hate. A lot of emotion I can believe, but hatred and love can be easily confused. Apathy is the dangerous emotion
I do strongly feel that they are peas in a pod and likely have similar ways to deal with things. Personalities that are similar would have the hardest time meshing because neither of them will give and each will know what the other is going to do. It's how they break that cycle that makes the difference. To a third party, it would look painful and it likely is. But if not for that pain, what reason to change? To look for a solution?
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Smokey's family has this weird dynamic. They simply cut people outta their lives as opposed to dealing with any conflict.
Smokey's parents have cut our kids outta their lives.
His mom, especially, has gone years without speaking to her mom, brother, friends, etc... because of some such disagreement. She loves to tell these reunion stories about how "so and so and I haven't spoken in 10 years and now we are meeting and blah blah blah..."
This is how they operate. The darker side of Smokey WILL, without question, cut her out of his life. He has done it before. This isn't as simple as a dad who is reminded of himself in his kid. His addiction takes it to a higher level because the addict in him will do anything to continue using--even if it means giving up his daughter.
D19 knows this. My God, it hurts like he!! to write that truth. But, it IS the truth. She is smart and she knows her dad. She knows he is gone to her and has accepted it. She has cut him out before he has the chance to do the same to her.
I think she has washed her hands of him. And, in some ways, it may be the best thing for her. He brings a lot of toxicity wherever he goes. I won't tell her that, of course. My standby is, "You do what you need to do with your dad. I will support you either way."
When she went to the Saving Mr. Banks movie and was so overwrought with emotion because of the topic of an alcoholic father not being there for his kids...I was listening to her cry over the phone and I told her, "You could call your dad. You could call and talk to him...maybe that would help?"
"Mom, seriously? What would that do? He wouldn't be there for me and I'd feel even worse. I would stick my neck out again and it would be cut off."
And, sadly, she is right. Someone in full blown addiction like Smokey--he's not capable of love. He loves his drug and any call or remark or reaching out on her part, he considers a threat because she sees the problem clearly and he knows it.
She sees him for what he is. Someone who is very sick and refuses treatment.
The piece to remember with them...she went to jail for her outrageous behavior and drug use. She went to therapy and meetings when she started to spin outta control on drugs. She went to counseling for her problems. She went to probation. She paid her fines herself. She dressed in the prison orange on camera for all to see. Her name was in the paper for being arrested.
Smokey has never had to face the music like she did. She has no respect for someone who isn't as strong as she is. She knows what he needs to do and she knows he is simply refusing to do it because he loves him some MaryJane.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
But, no. They don't hate each other. I know that. They love each other deeply. They just know each other really well and that makes for some hard communicating because one person has lost all respect for the other and Smokey hates that she gets him.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
