You know you're right 25, and I do too. I hadn't felt those feelings for quite some time. Actually, W and I have been very polite and cordial to each other. My thoughts have been mostly positive. I think speaking with my attorney got me very fired up. Perhaps she meant to fire me up. I don't know. I wrote that last reply, just after speaking with her on the phone. I won't discredit my feelings, because that is how I felt at the time. I will say that I didn't act on any of my thoughts or emotions. They were simply feelings that I had at that time. There is nothing wrong with that. I blew off steam, and they were done.
Today, I saw W's old car sitting in a parking lot. It was the first car she had ever owned. I bought it for her shortly after we married. I took a picture and sent it to her, with a nice, short message. She replied nicely as well, and asked if I could send her any other pictures of it that might still be in the house. That is where we are today, short, friendly and cordial.
Anyway, I do not currently have a counselor. I had been speaking with a pastor from my church, who also does marriage counseling. It has been some time since I have spoken with him. I have been trying to change my life, by focusing on what is important and the way I view things. I am looking into myself SO much more than I used to. I question myself before putting actions into play, as I realize that I had a horrible tendency to shoot from the emotional hip. I know I am improving as a person. I know this for a fact, and I hear it quite often from the people around me, my family, friends, church members, etc. I am making an effort to show my affection to my friends and family better. I didn't do well with this in the past. Today, I am much better at it. I have learned how to validate and affirm. Previously, I wasn't even sure what "validate" meant. I also do a much better job today of slowing myself down and LISTENING to other people. I have a much more unbiased outlook towards other perspectives. Stick with me. I am getting there, 25.
