SM - 'Stander basically encapsulated everything that I wanted to say to you. The reasons why she left are still there....maybe not the things in YOU that pushed her away, but the things in HER. Man, I wish I could tell you face-to-face, man-to-man that you absolutely, positively, without a doubt 100% need to get help from a counselor as you attempt to weave this thing back together. It's not an option - it is a must. It's more important than anything she can do to make amends, or anything you can suggest for her to read. The reason I think I am this passionate about it (as you know) is that when XW moved back in last spring we DIDN'T do this and it condemned us to failure - I am almost sure of it. I sincerely want better for you, your wife and your daughter.
I know the feeling of euphoria (mixed with latent hurt and anger) that pops up in this phase because you just want to call this nightmare officially over and move on with your lives together - holy sh*t was I "there" last March. Look at it this way, the house is no longer "on fire" but it is smoldering, burned to the foundation and is not yet ready to be inhabited. You have to put out all the hot spots, rebuild the frame, paint, and fill it with new stuff.
I wish I could build a time machine and go back and tell myself all of this when I needed to know it - but I CAN tell you. Please make sure you get help.
Crimson
ignore this^^^ at your peril.. And SM, I'm going to give you a big 2 x 4 b/c I just finished reading the whole thread...
The more I read YOUR words, the more turned off I am by you as a h. That's how it strikes me. The arrogance and self righteousness is ALL STILL THERE and you have learned very very little for a man who went thru such an ordeal...that's a real tragedy.
Be the change you want to see. For real.
Dig much deeper in YOU. Get out of your wife's sandbox and stay in your own. You have your work to do of your own, and you are so blind by that "cultural/right versus wrong/black & white" habit of yours, that you don't see it, even now. I don't know what it will take for you to change if the past year hasn't done it. But YOU need to change and you need Tools for that.
So Get them! Not a book to read. A workshop (check out Essential Experience in Philly, the workshop based on Carl Jung and Virginia Satir,) or Imago, and or some individual counseling just for YOU and get it asap!
What are you waiting for? (Your w?? ) .
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
