So, here's my story, hoping I have not already blown it since I have broken many of Sandi's rules.
Nope, don't worry about it. All of us have broken some or even all of the rules at some point, mostly before we found DR and these forums.
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I asked at the time, if she loved me, she said she did, I asked if she was still in love with me, she said she did not know.
Pretty typical WAS comment.
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I could not help but notice that she was starting to keep her cell with her even to bed, and had changed her Facebook, so I could not see everything.
Yup, that's a classic WAS move too. She will cling to that phone like her life depends on it. Will sleep with it in her hand. Soon she will be getting texts all hours of the day and night and she will wake up from a dead sleep just to view the latest text. But when you text her it will take hours for her to reply, if she does at all. For now, this is your new life.
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After the holidays, I asked if she had started seeing a counselor, she had not, but was going to.
Don't be pushy, it's not going to help your sitch. Most IC's are not much more than validators, the C is just going to tell your W what she wants to hear.
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I told her we should do marriage counseling
You don't want that right now for the same reasons as above. If you have the money then spend it on a DB coach, they are pro-marriage all the way.
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and found a pregnancy test that was positive.
WOAH! Wow, that is unbelievable.
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Like 3 nights ago, I tried pleading with her, asking why she was not fighting for us, that she was making a mistake.
I just want to make sure you understand that you shouldn't do things like this, right? You're familiar with Sandi2's 37 Rules? Stop all R talks.
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Am I thinking I will tell her she can stay here.
It's her decision to make. Don't tell her to go, don't tell her to stay. Tell her you want her to stay and work on the M, but that if she feels she needs to leave then you support her in her decision. But it IS HER decision to make. That's part of her journey as a WAS.
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I think the affair, is her acting out, and an easier out. I think she is depressed and I don't think she is getting the help she needs from her family.
Anything that begins with "I think" is mind-reading. Quit the mind-reading. Work on YOU and give her time and space.
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She says she is seeing a counselor now, but by phone. Which I don't think is as effective as what she needs.
Believe me, the IC is not going to change anything. Don't pin your hopes for reconciliation on that. My W has been seeing an IC for years and just keeps getting colder and more distant.
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I also don't think she sees, what she is doing, and as destructive.
No, she sees it as her way to happiness. She's unhappy, she thinks it's all your fault and she thinks an OM will "cure" that. Here's what you can do to change that- NOTHING. Get out. GAL. Make yourself into the spouse only a fool would leave.
