Sad times

[MamaB]

Hello all,

My husband told me yesterday that he wants a divorce, I'm a mess. I have been married 16 years and have three children. He first told me he thought we should live separately in September, but did not mention it after that until I brought it up again in December and he said that we had nothing in common. I actually thought things were getting better, until yesterday.

My husband travels most days for his job. Some background, he got a promotion in another city which would require us to move. We have an older child in high school and we agreed to stay in our current city for a year and then our child could stay her last year of high school with a friend, and the rest of us would move to the new city. This was hard on my H and he withdrew from me (it has been a year now) he says he is struggling with everything. I so wish I could go back in time and change my actions to his struggle. I also wish that i could change so many things that has led up to today in our marriage.

I did not handle the news yesterday very well, he is out of town and told me over the phone. He has already consulted a lawyer. After he told me I had to pick up younger kids and run around town for a bit. I tried to keep it together for the kids but did cry a little in front of them, I told them I read something sad. My H called to talk to kids but I said no, not to punish him, but because I would have really lost it to hear them ask him when he is coming home. I will never do this again, I just needed to keep myself together. He emailed me that it upset (I completely understand why!) and I feel terrible about it. I did not reply to the email, but will have the kids call H.

H wants to still leave oldest here and have the rest of us move to the new city, but divorce and live in two homes. I don't want to leave my child to go through this by herself, and they have stability here. Iim still processing but will see a lawyer because H seems pretty clear about what he wants. I'm a little worried because I found this forum a few weeks ago and he mentioned seeing the site on my iPad, not sure how investigative he was, but given these get ails he will know it is me, I hope he does not look as I need an outlet and advice.