Nlw, i completely agree. An accident's an accident.
However, i dont think there's a right or wrong answer; clearly other people are more in my h's camp. That tells me there is more than one legitimate viewpoint.
In our marriage, my h's viewpoint was the only one that mattered on issues like this. He was embarassing to me, he made for very tense relations in outr neighborhood more than once, and i felt like it was my role to let him do what he saw fit; he was the man of the house. Since we had no conflict resolution skills either one of two things had to happen: he would avoid, or i would go along. He is not going to change but i can.
My ic has been teaching me to wait when i'm feeling oppositional or backed into c corner or just plain not ready to think reasonably. So thats what i did, so far.
She's also been very supportive of me looking to a general community like this to bounce ideas when i'm not sure of my judgment. 20 years of putdowns causes a person to lack trust in their own judgement and this is a way to build it up, by getting objective input.
The primary problem in this issue is that s anc i dont trust h, he tends to overreact, he does not respect our viewpoints, and he puts us on the defensive by yelling at us. So it is not easy for me to work with him to get on the same page, if thats even possible.
My ic has written him off as a lost cause after these years of hearing me try to get along with him. She encourages me to stand on my own two feet and refuse to be treated badly.
My h right now is upset about $150. I know him, he doesnt care about the other boy learning responsibility or whatever, he just wants his money back. He is not talking to me about it but to our child, which to me seems like choosing to work on the weaker person to get his way. He should be discussing his needs with me.
I do think its kind of an american thing to think nothing is "just" an accident, everything is someone's fault and you should get your entitlement from the person at fault.
My h memorized a license plate of a car that took a parking spot his mom was waiting for. He waited several years, and then he egged the car in yhe middle of the night. Age 27. I had a really sick feeling about someone like that, but i ignored it because we were engaged to be married. You do not want to get him mad because he gets even. My s15 has lots of experience telling him to resist his dad.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
