I've had a bit of a gift today. ALL of my students cancelled.
One has pneumonia. One has a mom having surgery. One has to babysit siblings unexpectedly One has a birthday
It's like the planets all aligned. So, I'm going to enjoy this day. I'm going to take a bubble bath and clean up the house and do some relaxed writing.
I received the last student cancel at 5:30 a.m. and haven't been able to sleep since. I've been absolutely hooked on the last few episodes of Dexter. Holey Schnikey! What a show!
My new expression when someone really pi$$es me off, "Yep, he's going on my table."
Ummmm... what else? I made the trip to the feed store last night and purchased two bags of chicken feed. I'M NOT THE VICTIM!! I figured that two bags at a time would take this pressure off and I wouldn't feel like I was goin to run out so quickly. I also bought some straw and cleaned the coop at 8 p.m. when I had a chance. It felt goo to make sure the chickens were nice and snuggled with fresh food and water and fresh straw.
Still thinking some about Smokey's texts of recent weeks. I'm not going to obsess, but I am curious about his tone of late. When Smokey begins to blow anger in my direction, it usually means he is dealing with some overwhelming feelings he isn't sure how to handle. The back to hating D19 thing is really interesting. This is where we were when he first moved out. He is so dammmmn hard on her. He almost hates her at times. He is simply devoid of any empathy when it comes to D19. He will dwell on what she hasn't done---like the job or her attitude towards him on the last visit and erase all the good stuff like how hard she fought to get his attention and how many times she put herself out there to him because she didn't want to lose him to the drugs. Her greatest fear is that she would lose him forever to the drugs and it seems to have come true.
He just can't seem to see how much she loves him and how much pain has created this latest indifference she seems to feel. At least, he isn't ranting to her.
But something seems to be bubbling towards the surface for him. I think it's especially interesting that he made that deposit after his visit. On some level, he seems to recognize the pain or, at least, the inconveniences his absence has caused.
Wouldn't it be nice if he was having an awakening of sorts? But, I can't expect it. I will pray for it, but not expect it. Not today.
IDK. I've been up too early. thinking aloud.
Going back to my house on my side of the street now.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Sounds like you have a perfect day to get a few things done and relax a bit.
Could it be that he sees a lot of himself in his D19? Could she be a lot like him in personality and he doesn't want her to make the same mistakes that he's made through the years?
You are strong and independent and you can do whatever you set your mind to. Just remember that...because you are not a victim.
Enjoy your day!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
They could be twins. Sometimes he looks at her with pure hatred.
It breaks my heart.
And, she's wonderful. She is super smart and loyal and stubborn and has fought for his attention like a bulldog going after a steak ever since she was tiny.
He has pushed her away so many times in the face of her painful, blatant attempts to get her attention--pleading with him--in her own way--which is his way--full of anger and self-righteousness...He just doesn't see it.
She was in counseling to learn how to get along with him. He wouldn't go.
I don't condone how she treated him on the last visit. But, after watching this drama unfold for nearly 20 years, I completely get it. Waving flags, jumping up and down, screaming at him, begging, crying, going to jail, smoking pot, behaving recklessly, the kid has tried it all...and he still hates her.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
The reason that I asked about if they were similar in personalities is because my sister and her son are the same way. They are identical in the way they do things and my sister is harder on him than his sister. I think they treat the children that way because they see so much of themselves in them and they don't want them to be the same way they are, but that's only my opinion.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Smokey, here is Crazy. Crazy, this is Smokey. crazy crazy
Personally, I think it's because he's never been able to control her. She knows his B.S. and won't let him get away with it. We all saw it on the last visit. She knows how to push his buttons. Everyone, even here, blamed her--to some extent. She was inappropriate, she was rude, she was impolite...
That's exactly what has always happened in the real world. This 19-yr--old girl has his number--probably because she is like him. She knows when he is full of B.S.--most of the time. And, she won't tolerate it.
Men like Smokey-addicts--don't speak the same language. He plays people like me like a violin.
D19 doesn't allow it. She never has. She is his kryptonite.
Last Christmas, when she discovered he invited OW to his parents for Christmas. She was the reason, he made his way back to us. D19 told him, without my knowledge, that she would have nothing to do with him ever again if he continued the relationship. D19 follows through where I don't. She drives a hard bargain--Mean what you say and say what you mean. And, in most respects, she knows how to handle addicts better than anyone I've ever known.
My mom has counseling addicts/alcoholics for 30 plus years and she is one of the best--she's not as good as D19. D19 don't play around. She calls a spade a spade.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I got that. Funny thing, even those "bad" qualities she has inherited may turn out to make her a great success. Smokey just couldn't seem to tame them. She both our best qualities and some of our worst--but she makes em work for her. :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
