Mount Everest. STILL Forbidding. Aloof...

[LoisB]

I've had a bit of a gift today. ALL of my students cancelled.

One has pneumonia.
One has a mom having surgery.
One has to babysit siblings unexpectedly
One has a birthday

It's like the planets all aligned. So, I'm going to enjoy this day. I'm going to take a bubble bath and clean up the house and do some relaxed writing.

I received the last student cancel at 5:30 a.m. and haven't been able to sleep since. I've been absolutely hooked on the last few episodes of Dexter. Holey Schnikey! What a show!

My new expression when someone really pi$$es me off, "Yep, he's going on my table."

Ummmm... what else? I made the trip to the feed store last night and purchased two bags of chicken feed. I'M NOT THE VICTIM!! I figured that two bags at a time would take this pressure off and I wouldn't feel like I was goin to run out so quickly. I also bought some straw and cleaned the coop at 8 p.m. when I had a chance. It felt goo to make sure the chickens were nice and snuggled with fresh food and water and fresh straw.

Still thinking some about Smokey's texts of recent weeks. I'm not going to obsess, but I am curious about his tone of late. When Smokey begins to blow anger in my direction, it usually means he is dealing with some overwhelming feelings he isn't sure how to handle. The back to hating D19 thing is really interesting. This is where we were when he first moved out. He is so dammmmn hard on her. He almost hates her at times. He is simply devoid of any empathy when it comes to D19. He will dwell on what she hasn't done---like the job or her attitude towards him on the last visit and erase all the good stuff like how hard she fought to get his attention and how many times she put herself out there to him because she didn't want to lose him to the drugs. Her greatest fear is that she would lose him forever to the drugs and it seems to have come true.

He just can't seem to see how much she loves him and how much pain has created this latest indifference she seems to feel.
At least, he isn't ranting to her.

But something seems to be bubbling towards the surface for him. I think it's especially interesting that he made that deposit after his visit. On some level, he seems to recognize the pain or, at least, the inconveniences his absence has caused.

Wouldn't it be nice if he was having an awakening of sorts? But, I can't expect it. I will pray for it, but not expect it. Not today.

IDK. I've been up too early. thinking aloud.

Going back to my house on my side of the street now.