Saw IC/MC last night-she wanted to see us separately before we moved on together. Brought her up to date on my sitch and gave her a 101 of our time together over the past 20 years.
I said that I hoped H would see her anyway and outlined his week of freaking out. She commented that I was very aware of all my feelings etc. I didn't say that it was because of this board that I was able to grow in this direction, but it certainly would not have happened otherwise.
Little bit of a text from H last night, just discussing the weekend and kids. Again, he apologized for hurting me and said that I had no idea what it does to him when he hurts me like this.
I actually had to come clean and let him know that while I was sad, the overriding feeling was peace, because I had seen this coming. I just assumed he was further down his path than he was.
He went on to mention he had to do this now, figure out who he was etc. I just validated his feelings and explained (when he apologized again) that his feelings and emotions, or lack thereof are just as valid as mine.
I declined to switch off residences once a week anymore. Personally, I have no desire to know anything about his life anymore.
My IC said it sounded as if I wasn't sure about H. I explained that I loved the man, wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, but let him go with the full knowledge that that may not be.
She said "Now that? That's love."
Personally it is love, but self preservation too, you know? I really have no fingers left to be burned lol.
RT? ON your thread I see about the lying and that is what precipitated this split. I thought that if he lied about something as trivial as he did, the big stuff would never see the light of day...no way to live my life.
But I like that you guys fought and the world is still turning...who knew
