Dealing with Uncertainty...

[NeedingMore]

Update!
Well, as you may have read, I am moving! Between schoolwork, kids, work, and moving, I have been so busy that BF is not really on my radar too much. I am finally in the FORWARD MARCH mode and I have been really happy. I am very proud of how far I have come. Before we split, BF and I had a good relationship but there were obviously problems. I made changes and mistakes, but I am finally seeing clearly along my path. I have been going through this for a reason and it has been to find the real me...underneath all of the outer stress that had been masking my heart. I feel I should list my accomplishments:

Moved in with mom to save $$ and focus on school- saved enough for new laptop and to move into my new humble abode.

Been eating well and doing yoga (although this week has been exhausting with the move so I can't wait to get back to normal cooking and exercise routine when all moved in!).

Focus on spiritual growth and learning about God- FOUND HIM!! And through Him, I have figured out the answers to SO many things it would take all day to list. I would not take back anything that I have gone through if it meant that I didn't have the faith that I do now. Just thinking about it makes me smile! It is because of this that I think about my BF and know that all will be OK. All of the negative little "what ifs" and concerns have fallen away to reveal my truth. I was afraid of being alone, left behind. And now I need not fear because I have a love that can never be taken away. This works for me.

SO....

I wasn't worried about moving my things from storage, but trying to figure it out without asking BF who has a truck. I admit I was a little worried that he wouldn't have time for me. SO, I was going to rent a truck and get help from friends and then when BF finally decided to inquire more about my move, I would be settled and not "needing" him. This was my attempt at a 180 and having no expectations from BF. My friends wonder why I do this kinda stuff...they want me to be mad that he isn't more available and think I should ask him to do more. They don't realize I am following a plan!

Well, yesterday BF texted out of the blue to see if I got my keys to the new place.

Here's how the texts went:

BF: Hi Did you get the keys to your new place yet?

ME: Hi! I did, in fact I am just getting home from work now.

BF: Oh wow, you're already living there? I was going to ask if you need help moving in.

ME: Landlord gave me keys early. I've been bringing over loads of stuff but would love some help with the big stuff! I would really appreciate that, thank you!!

BF: Oh that was nice of him! No problem, I can charge you a flat rate instead of by the hour.

ME: I will pay you alright


I think this was a pretty good thing. I used to be so worried that he wouldn't want to move back in with me. Now I am ok with that and don't even know if I would want that now until we are more solid. Also, I love my new place! It is so cute and the perfect size for my girls and I. If BF wants to join eventually that can be worked out, but for now...me and my house are perfect!