Wouldn't wish this on anyone

[paul19510]

GO YOU!

[paul19510]

Ok- POLL!

How many of you changed some stuff around the house after WAS left? I ordered new bedding and am going to paint the master ASAP. (This is not a manipulation tactic, as he truly may never see the bedroom again )

I also took down a few of our pics that were bothering me.

I'm finding it unhealthy to live in a house that was dedicated to our M when he isn't here any more. And he left EVERYTHING.

What have you all done??

yes! I changed some pictures in my room because they were upsetting me. I took down a wedding picture that hung on my side of the room. I also took down a picture she made for me on our first anniversary. I replaced them with pictures of my kids. I went to look at bedding last week, but didn't buy it yet.

She came into the room a couple of weeks ago and I know she noticed, but not much I can do about that. She rarely comes into the house if I am anywhere near here. No contact since Tuesday. I got new insurance cards.

I have to clean at the church tonight and will put them under her office door.

[artsy]

Thanks, Paul!

Truly, the no contact works wonders! (With my sanity, not moving things forward with "us").

The problem here, is that he said he wanted to work on US, but then really hasn't done anything on his end to follow through.

So...he can be deafened by my silence!

[paul19510]

Thanks, Paul!

Truly, the no contact works wonders! (With my sanity, not moving things forward with "us").

The problem here, is that he said he wanted to work on US, but then really hasn't done anything on his end to follow through.

So...he can be deafened by my silence!

sounds like the right thing. Mine didn't say she wanted to work on US. she has to 'find herself'. OK. why that means we can' talk...not sure. But ok.

you're doing great!

[artsy]

Ugh! I am trying to do NC and he's making it impossible! I was out of the house today so I wouldn't see him when he came to get the tools and dog. All fine and dandy until he texts me that he won't be able to come by this morning because he's running late, but he would stop by tomorrow, if that's okay.

I waited a half hour and replied "sure".

I get home, and he had, indeed, come by today and left a bill on the counter that I cannot afford to pay. (He encouraged me to quit my job and go back to school after he had already decided to leave me. But it's okay! Cuz he pulled money out of his 401k and gave it to me... Only that's not going to last as long as he thinks it is.)

So I had to email him to ask about the bill. GAH!!!!!!! He's not letting me detach!!! I was doing so well!!!

[artsy]

Ok- need some vet input:

Did NC or going dim ever cause your WAS to be angry/resentful?

Not that it would stop me continuing on my path, but that's the vibe I'm getting and I am unusually intuitive. Would they feel like we're trying to control the sitch, or something?

Any thoughts?

[labug]

Yes, not in my case but a lot of people here experience that.

[3boymom]

My H gets annoyed if I don't answer my phone or respond to texts/emails. Mosf of his fexts/emails do not need a response. The funny thing is that he never responds to things that I send and my emails/texts are only about logistics and require a response (i.e. can you confirm the dates of your conference so I can figure out coverage for kids). You can't control how your H will react. You choose when you feel comfortable responding.

[artsy]

Thanks, ladies...I know I can't control the way he reacts (wish I was magical!! Lol) this is just a totally new dynamic in my sitch: up until this point, he has been unbelievably kind and responds immediately to any contact. Now I have a legitimate concern and he's ignoring me.

He has a lot of guilt, so I'm pretty sure that's why he's gone out of his way to accommodate up to this point. It's strange to me that he showed up today when he said he wasn't going to, left an important piece of mail, and is now ignoring me. What is this?????

Let's keep in mind this is a 45 year old man, sleeping on a twin bed at his buddy's house, and working 18 hrs a day/6 or 7 days a week...Who wants that life?????

[artsy]

Had a bit of a backslide- definitely angry again today, after several days of complete peace. And to top it all off, no Alanon because of the snow! Ugh!!! Gonna have to journal.

I did fight back the urge to send him another email about him ignoring me, and then realized how ridiculous that is! So, I'm learning!

Gah! I so need a punching bag or something!!!!!

Weekends are the worst.