He is not going to fix it. In his mind, I am pretty sure, he sees himself as having 'given' D18 a $5,000 car. This is the value he wrote on the change of owner form.
My understanding is that the repairs would cost well above this amount. It is accident-damaged and the transmission is completely broken (i.e. it is not drive-able). It is 15 years old and has something like 185,000kms on the clock.
Even if fixed, she would be left with a car that was still ready for the junk yard, and it would be beyond her means to pay for registration, insurance, tyres on such a big sedan.
BUT he could tell everyone that he gave his daughter a car for her 18th birthday. What a guy!
The whole thing makes me feel so uneasy. I go right back to asking myself "Is he all there?"
And how long do I have to keep protecting the kids from his nuttiness. For as long as, I suppose.
And yet, he proceeds to go ahead and sign over an accident-damaged, broken-down, and likely not-worth-fixing vehicle to our learner-driver daughter for a birthday present.
My WAW is cold and indifferent, but good grief I can't believe the level of flat-out CRAZY that many of you have to deal with. This is just WRONG on so many levels. And I actually feel a little sorry for him that he might think this stupid, bone-headed move would make your D happy. It reminds me of my parents buying totally age-inappropriate gifts for my kids (like Fisher Price stuff for a pre-teen). It's stupid and embarrassing at the same time!
Bright, My D18 has been burnt by her dad so often that she was wary.
She looked at the form and said something along the lines of: Now that I'm an adult, I have to consider the consequences of signing these types of forms very carefully. I will look this over in detail before I sign.
She then asked him if he intended to fix the car before he signed it over to her, but he said no.
She feels like she has been put in a bind. He is ringing, asking her when she will return the form to him and she doesn't know what to say.
And, of course, she really wants access to a car. She is the only one of her friends who does not have a family car to drive. She is completely dependent on others (me and her friends) to drive her around.
AS,
Yes, it's an uneasy feeling - sort of embarrassed and sad and awkward - for D18, but also for XH.
Nasty is one thing... I have learnt to deal with that.
NWL, how are you doing? I hope that the car situation has been resolved. I hope your X came to his senses and put some money towards repair. I feel for your daughter.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thanks so much for asking... I have not been posting as I was coming up to trial date (settlement) and didn't want to prejudice anything by posting what was going on. I've been reading along with you all though.
Short version is that trial was par for the mlc course.
Long version is as follows: Those who are familiar with my sitch may recall that XH filed a notice of discontinuance - meaning that he withdrew from all proceedings (because he didn't want to produce any financial documentation).
I was left to carry on with settlement via an undefended trial.
Sounds good, but reality is that without the other party being represented, there is a huge onus on the petitioner to show evidence for fairness of their claim.
The conclusion of months of preparation for the trial was that XH would be highly likely to be prosecuted on multiple counts related to financial dealings.
In this context we offered to proceed via consent orders to each keep whatever we currently had and avoid the cost of going to trial. This meant that I was left with all the marital debt, but kept the heavily-mortgaged house and my superannuation. No compensation for the huge amounts he had squandered... but there appeared to be no way that he would be able to pay them back and in this case, the likelihood was that the family court would not order him to - if you don't have the assets, you simply can't be made to split them.
So, so far, so unfair... After weeks of to-ing and fro-ing with a draft of consent orders, we got to the last days. My L sent XH (who has chosen not to have legal representation) what we thought was a penultimate draft, two days before trial.
XH did not respond.
Then, at 1-minute to COB on the night before the trial was due to start at 10am next morning, my L received a demand from XH that he re-write a number of clauses.
XH was insisting, for example, that we list monetary values against all property and assets, such that his businesses were worth "NIL", his 2011 BMW was worth "NIL", his possessions were worth "NIL", etc, etc whilst my house was worth its full value (conveniently forgetting that it was mortgaged to the hilt). You get the drift. It was pathetic and sad.
L got back to XH to explain that any $ amounts needed to be based on independent valuations and that it was him, in the first place, who had refused to allow this to occur.
Xh responded at 9pm that night appearing to say that he would be OK with the draft being signed off in the morning, prior to the trial.
On the basis of months of negotiations beforehand, both L and I believed that XH had no interest in going ahead with the trial - and this had even been agreed between XH and L at a pre-trial hearing 3 weeks before.
So, we get to court house and L and I wait... and wait... and wait.. XH does not arrive.
At precisely 9.55am (trial is at 10am) XH shows up, with OW in tow.
My L rushes him straight into an ante-room assuming that he will be signing off on the draft he agreed to last night.
OW, arrogant hag, plops herself down on the bench, right next to me.
I did myself proud. I kept thinking of you guys (literally reciting all your DB names to myself) and stayed calm and collected.
L eventually emerged with steam coming from his ears to report that XH would not sign the draft and wanted all his original changes that we had spent weeks negotiating on.
We spent the next 2 hours with my L going back and forth to XH and OW who pored over every word and demanded change after change. All this at my cost, too.
L was livid and called XH all the names under the sun - even down to 'f-er' and 'a-hole' . He told me "I don't know how you stayed married to this jerk as long as you did. he is unbelievable".
Eventually we agreed to all XH's BS because there seemed to be no way around the madness of it. He would not agree even to pay half of S15's school fees, for example. He insisted on the old family car going to D17, instead of splitting the cars with me... To add insult to injury, every single page of the 'agreement' was counter-signed by OW as his 'witness".
I did myself proud. I stayed calm, keeping the mantra of compassion over blame and shame. My goodness it worked for me. I just felt that both XH and OW were sadly pathetic. I know XH has lost his children forever. I just want to be done with him and his sad antics.
After the short trial that ensued ( Judge had to read the 'agreement'), I ran into XH coming back from the bar table as I was going out the door. He wasn't going to look at me, I think, but i kept looking at him.
He looked up finally and mouthed "Thanks". He seemed relieved (I bet!).
As we all exited the court, we came together again and he seemed to want to talk. I said "I'm running late for a meeting with S15's teacher and have to run back through town to my car park before i can drive there'. XH offered me a lift!!
I was dumbstruck, but as I was going to miss the (important) meeting (never thought I'd have to be in court today), I said OK.
We all went down the narrow stairs together, me and XH abreast and OW taking up the rear. Can you believe It?
I don't think I was going to do it, I was just going with the flow in a state of shock.
Halfway down, XH does a double take and stops to wait for poor OW, who was visibly fuming. I am starting to think about what sort of wacky situation I have gotten myself into.. when OW blurts out in a voice choked with bile: "We are going shopping and and we won't be driving you anywhere".
I didn't react, as i had decided not even to acknowledge her presence. After a short gap, XH bumbles out with 'Yes sorry about that.. i didn't think this was going to go on for so long today..."
i looked back at him, gave him my best mega-watt smile and said "That's OK, XH, I understand". I then said "It was nice to see you today" and walked forward. He stuttered out "What?" and I repeated myself. I then said "I'm sure I'll see you again soon", gave him another mega-watt smile and took my sexy high heeled, pencil-skirted, tight-shirted, glossy-haired self out the courthouse door.
Later that day after the adrenalin had dissipated, I just about collapsed in a heap on the floor.
BTW, XH looked like he hadn't slept for days, and his signature looked like it'd been done by someone who'd had a stroke.
My case isn't as extreme as yours, but now that W and I are finalizing the D I'm dealing with much the same thing as you where she keeps agreeing to terms but then changing her mind and wanting to skew things more in her favor. I've finally done like you did and agreed to an unfair (for me) settlement just to get it over with. Lesson I've learned from this- you can't negotiate with crazy people.
Originally Posted By: NLW
I then said "I'm sure I'll see you again soon", gave him another mega-watt smile and took my sexy high heeled, pencil-skirted, tight-shirted, glossy-haired self out the courthouse door.
LOVE IT!! Well played
Quote:
BTW, XH looked like he hadn't slept for days, and his signature looked like it'd been done by someone who'd had a stroke.
LOL! He's finally getting the perfect life he always wanted (rolls eyes).
"Lesson I've learned from this- you can't negotiate with crazy people."
That pretty much sums up how I feel.
It's been like this for 2 and a half years.
Every time I want to post to someone on here, I feel like i will just point out how useless it is to try to engage with an mlc-er.
Best to just do what's right for you and walk away. If they ever come to their senses, it won't be because of anything the LBS did.
Very negative, I know.
The other thing i didn't post about was how my XH now blames me for the failure of his businesses and the wastage of all our family savings. He did this in writing in his attempts to draft a settlement.
It's just SO BIZARRE that he would blame me for these two aspects of the demise of our relationship when the financial side of things was completely controlled by him (more fool me!).
But anyway, just another little insight into the madness of the mlc condition - in which everything has to be the LBS's fault.
I suppose most on here already know the story, but anyone in need of inspiration should google 'Madeleine Albright marriage' and see what can be achieved when your once-loving spouse announces "I just can't do this any more" and disappears with his OW.
