You are making a massive mistake tolerating her continued contact with the OM. It's a mistake that I made after and early discovery of my wife's EA, and it only lead to them continuing in the A. Your wife is an addict- she is addicted to the OM. She is only placating you. In reality, she wants to keep her relationship with the OM going. She either wants to work on the M or she doesn't. Do not be a doormat and allow the continued contact.
-hs
If they cannot decide, what do you do? Do you get out? Do you ask them to leave?
That would depend on what your own boundaries of personal integrity are. Are you willing to live in an open marriage? If so (say, while your spouse decides), for how long? What smaller boundaries are you willing to put in place in the meantime, to protect yourself, your family and your finances?
Tough questions, and I was there, too. But one has to start by deciding "what do I believe? what will I abide? What is the right thing to do . . . what is the thing that God Himself would have me do, if He were standing right in front of me?" . . . and then let the chips fall where they may.
Too often, betrayed spouses instead base their decision-making on feelings-oriented things like "If I enforce thus-and-such a boundary, will my wife be angry?" or "If I confront my husband, will it push him further away from me?" I think those are the wrong approaches.
