Perspective - The Reality of the Trip

[RealityTrip]

Thanks Wonka. I have been "protecting" her from some of my more negative feelings. It's been a choice. To allow her the time and space (while at home) that she has asked for to do some personal work.

As long as I'm feeling ok and not stuffing, I'm ok with it. For now. I like saying "for now"... I am totally allowed to change my mind and that's ok too. Love me some Me!

I have been examining my part in the spat last night. Fear based... always is isn't it? I'm afraid that because she has not committed to my trip (in March) that it somehow is a reflection on her commitment to our marriage, it's reconciliation and that she might leave again.

I am afraid that my W, if she goes again, has been using me.

That feels pretty good... to at least pinpoint a fear. I think I'm pretty dead-on with this one. So I know where to start from in getting through it... Everything is about trust for me.

I don't think my needs are being met in reference to assurances of her motives. I could just be feeling particularly needy after our first "real" argument since she came home.

I'll sit with it. Thoughts welcome.