I think you did very well when Smokey came to visit. You showed him that life went on and that you were tending to it - chickens and all.
Congrats on the assignments. I agree with job - don't let people sell you short. If you undervalue yourself, then others will follow.
Try not to beat yourself up so much, honey. Recognize your worth and recognize that we all have adjustments to make in our "new" lives. Thank H when he does something right - like paying the mortgage but leave the explanations.
Kids are a hard one. I don't have any, but I can remember being a teenager, as one of your Ds is and one almost there. There was no money from home for me to go to school, so I worked full time through uni. It's not unusual and let's face it, as a student, you are not picky about what kind of job you get. I met lots of friends and had some pocket money. I never grew up with that sense that I was entitled to be given my education by my parents, an attitude that is all too common now. A part-time job would be good for your daughter.
The thing I wanted to point out, is that teenagers generally have a rough time relating to their parents - even when those partents are together. And, if we are all a little more honest, there is always one parent who is closer than the other.
I believe that there is often an expectation upon separation of parents that fathers (some mothers, too of course) are all of a sudden going to become these dazzling parents just because they are forced to be in the same room or place with their children. My parents were together throughout my teenage years and if my dad and I had to spend forced time together, there may have been an apocalypse. When I went off to uni, I mostly talked to my mother, she relayed info to Dad. My dad never called me on his own, if I wanted to talk to him, I called him. That is just the way things were.
I am not in any way trying to minimize how the girls feel about their father leaving or not beign in touch. My point was simply to try to impart something that may help you managing your expectations about what should happen between them. What was the relationship like before?
I have probably explained that rather badly. But expecting someone to act like a superhero and to know how much he hurt them, especially someone who is obviously carrying on anyway, just disappoints everyone. No expectations is tremendously difficult. Lower expectations may be easier to manage.
