Perspective - The Reality of the Trip

[planet]

And.... remember when I said things were too quiet? Well, I'm still psychic.

Perhaps you do have a sixth sense. Might want to explore that.

4- A chinese zodiac of their signs "proving" they were meant to be together

Take it from a Chinese.
I'm not sure if she's done complete compatibility chart reading for time, day, month and year. It would not be correct if any one of the parameters are missing.

Anyway, my XW and I have our charts read and it shows complete mismatch. The master who have interpreted our charts have only one comment when we showed our disappointment.
Matched charts is like driving a sports car. One will have a good head start but will crash if one is not careful.
A bad match is like driving a run-down car. If one carefully drives it, his/her destination will be reached eventually.
It boils down to 'WORK'.
A bad match means more hard work!

[RealityTrip]

Hi Planet, thanks for stopping by! Interesting info about the zodiac. No... xOW didn't include all of that seemingly important information to the Chinese zodiac charting... I think the most important thing from the exchange is that xOW is mad, desperate, "begging" and "pleading"... so it's safe to say she is NOT a DB'er! LOL!!!

Patience for my W's fog to completely disappear and a strong focus on myself are on the top of my list for me right now.

xOW can can bring the drama... I'm the wife. Safe, stable and secure.

[labug]

Blech, XOW seems a bit unstable. Did you know her before? Might she drag this on forever?

You, however, are awesome.

[RealityTrip]

Hiya Bug! Yes. xOW and my wife have known each other for 17 years...(funny how it took them soooo long to figure out they were meant to be together. ROFL!) So xOW was a friend of mine too. I met her and a few months after I met my W, 13 years ago. She was close enough of a friend that we had our own "phone calls" and "pictures" together. People always say the OW or the AP didn't break any vows... don't be angry at them. But I'm the luckiest girl in the world! My W's AP was my friend, whom aside from my marriage, woman to woman, friend to friend, hurt me very deeply.

But to answer your question... Yup! She might drag this on forever... or try to. She HATES to "lose." She tries very hard to be the most desirable woman in the room. And remember I knew her... well... I guess that's the only plus side. I know what I'm up against. The Art of War. LOL!!!

I also know her well enough to anticipate her next move... jealousy. I predict that she (xOW) will have a new paramour within the next 60 days and attempt to evoke a response from my W. If she does... Perfect!

So as for me: I just read all of the syllabus' for my three courses this semester. Oh boy! I'm busy! But I'm so excited!!!

[Wonka]

RT,

Unfortunately, XOWs will try to suck the spouse back into the affair because they need that drug and just for competition's sake. Silly girls!

Stay true to your course and you'll ace Wife 901!

[RealityTrip]

Well... we had an argument last night. hmmph.

I picked W up from airport. Happy, happy, joy, joy, love, love, missed you... let's go to dinner! Yay for us.

On the drive, W wants to know if I put her BFF (who has always supported me) up to contacting her. "Nope". Of course I talk to her, of course she asks how W is doing, but I'm tired of being in the middle. Ya know what... call her yourself. So BFF did. She reached out and has been texting W trying to reconnect. GREAT! But W is resentful and holding a grudge that BFF "abandonded" her when W ran away with xOW.

So none of this is relevant to me... I'm giving them space to figure out there own relationship except that BFF is going on my birthday/vacation trip with me and my family. W has reservations about going because she hasn't mended relationship with BFF... and only started to with my family.

To make a long story short. She wanted to make going or not going on my 40th birthday vacation about her feelings and fears and I wanted to make it about me because it's my birthday and only I matter. (selfish me, hello! how have you been?)

Wham bam, a whole lotta "talking" and not much listening with some zingers from me... I lost my patience. "When are you going to realize that it's not just about you and your guilt and pain? A lot of people have been hurt by this whole situation."

Yowza.

But on the bright side... HA!... seriously... we recovered quickly thanks mostly to my W. She never used to let go of the "bone" in a dog fight, but she lowered her voice, looked me in the eyes (lovin' that! she does it all the time now. I missed looking into her eyes.) and said that she didn't want to fight, let's have a nice dinner together and I missed you.

We did. had a nice diner that is. Went home, crawled into bed. She kissed me deeply. I read for one of my classes while she, very tired from traveling, fell asleep.

This morning, although she didn't have to, she woke up with me to have coffee, she laid across my lap seeking physical touch that I gave her and we are ok.

Look at that. We can argue and not fall apart. I was afraid of that during these early months of trying to reconcile. She's getting stronger. So am I.

[Wonka]

RT,

Sometimes you've just got to let 'er rip! That is what a healthy marriage is all about. It is the strength of a marriage that the pair of you can recover from an argument and move on with daily life stuff instead of getting mired in it.

Nicely done!

[labug]

Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

[RealityTrip]

Thanks Wonka. I have been "protecting" her from some of my more negative feelings. It's been a choice. To allow her the time and space (while at home) that she has asked for to do some personal work.

As long as I'm feeling ok and not stuffing, I'm ok with it. For now. I like saying "for now"... I am totally allowed to change my mind and that's ok too. Love me some Me!

I have been examining my part in the spat last night. Fear based... always is isn't it? I'm afraid that because she has not committed to my trip (in March) that it somehow is a reflection on her commitment to our marriage, it's reconciliation and that she might leave again.

I am afraid that my W, if she goes again, has been using me.

That feels pretty good... to at least pinpoint a fear. I think I'm pretty dead-on with this one. So I know where to start from in getting through it... Everything is about trust for me.

I don't think my needs are being met in reference to assurances of her motives. I could just be feeling particularly needy after our first "real" argument since she came home.

I'll sit with it. Thoughts welcome.

[RealityTrip]

This morning DB me had a little confrontation Cray-Cray-Crazy me!

Yesterday was a great day in the normal life of me and W. I got home from work, did some yard work, she did some housework, we had pasta for dinner and she fell asleep next to me while I read for my Philosophy class late into the night.

This morning we both had to get up early. We shared coffee in bed, shared my tablet to giggle at some things on social media, talked about our days... she flies out tonight for work. My older sis is coming to hang out this weekend and bringing a friend. My W said, "I love "big sister"." I said that was sweet. She said "I do. She's a really good person and a great mom. I love her. I do." Now W is crying just a little. (my big sister was in the house the day my W packed up and left to move in with xOW.... it was rough to say the least!)

So here comes the looney toons... Just as we were getting in the car to carpool to work/appts... I noticed my W's left ring finger had a normal everyday ring on it.. Let me see if I can type all of this as fast as I thought it:

90 Seconds in My Mind...

"I wonder when she put that ring on did she think about her wedding ring?"

"When are we going to talk about the rings?"

"If she was committed to the marriage again she would be wearing it."

"I'm going to ask her."

"No your not."

"I want to know what she's thinking. I'll just be non-chalant."

"Bad idea. Don't do it. Wrong time. Wrong place."

"but..."

"NO! Pressure scares her... back off.'

"But..."

"NO! Not now. It will end badly. You will ruin the morning and she is leaving today."

"Bu..."

"I said NO!"

Whew.... Clarity: 1 Crazy:0

And Team "I Got This" progresses one step further in the tournament. (and the crowd goes wild.... Raaahhh rahhhhhh rahhhh!)