Oh, I wish I could have baby steps. I haven't had the opportunity to show off my 180s, he hasn't been around to see them or spoken to me to hear them. He picked up D from school and had dinner with her and his cousin this past Friday evening. While I sat alone in a booth at Outback Steakhouse, pretending to be out and busy and having fun. I was miserable; we don't get to have family dinners anymore. Savor those moments, the little encounters, and keep doing what you're doing...a great job. You're not out of the woods yet.
Funny how other people's situations seem better than our own.
I savor family dinners and anything else that's a positive. Sometimes I feel like a detective looking for anything positive. Btw, our family dinners aren't quite what you'd expect. Usually it's something quick like pizza. The odd time it has been a little more extravagant. And by extravagant I mean steak with veggies. No candles or dining room table. We sit at the living room coffee table or her 2 seater kitchen table. Regardless I savor those moments.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
Man, you are riding the roller coaster! You need to state something, "I will drop off S3 at 5:30pm", and stick with it, then leave.
Take it from someone who was up/down/up/down/up/down like every other day...
I don't really mind when she can't make up her mind about trivial stuff like this. It's how she's always been. I've learned through years of practice to accept her many foibles. It's when she changes her mind about the relationship or tells me about new guy or is depressed for some reason that I get very anxious. Learning about om was a very low point. I have to get back to higher ground. In other words, detach.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
During all of that, she asked how I was doing(surprisingly I was in a better mood than she was). I said I have a million emotions going on. I have enough tools to figure it out. I swear she loves the drama that comes with me being hurt even though she says she cares and doesn't want to hurt me.
I think at some level although they don't want us anymore, they still want us to pursue as it's an ego boost for them. So yeah, she doesn't want to hurt you but at the same time she wants to know that her leaving hurts you. Just project PMA and if she asks how you're feeling/ doing just say "GREAT!" If she pushes for more info tell her about your GAL efforts. Project to her that you are going to be fine whether with or without her.
Quote:
She tells me he is fb friend's with a very close friend of mine/family. I resist the urge to say anything regarding him. She just says small world eh?
I'm mind reading here, but it really does feel like she's baiting me into arguments.
Yeah, that sounds like baiting. If not for an argument then at least for an emotional response. She's trying to make you jealous. WAS's can revert back to a junior high mentality pretty quickly. LOL!
During all of that, she asked how I was doing(surprisingly I was in a better mood than she was). I said I have a million emotions going on. I have enough tools to figure it out. I swear she loves the drama that comes with me being hurt even though she says she cares and doesn't want to hurt me.
I think at some level although they don't want us anymore, they still want us to pursue as it's an ego boost for them. So yeah, she doesn't want to hurt you but at the same time she wants to know that her leaving hurts you. Just project PMA and if she asks how you're feeling/ doing just say "GREAT!" If she pushes for more info tell her about your GAL efforts. Project to her that you are going to be fine whether with or without her.
Quote:
She tells me he is fb friend's with a very close friend of mine/family. I resist the urge to say anything regarding him. She just says small world eh?
I'm mind reading here, but it really does feel like she's baiting me into arguments.
Yeah, that sounds like baiting. If not for an argument then at least for an emotional response. She's trying to make you jealous. WAS's can revert back to a junior high mentality pretty quickly. LOL!
I can totally see her acting like a junior high kid. I was browsing through my newsfeed on fb(man I hate fb but use it for other purposes), when I saw her latest post. She says she is feeling special.... What a great day. Man that irritates me and I know that it shouldn't. She usually posts that her day was great when a client does something nice to her. This time there was no mention of a client. Argh. It's so hard to get the notion out that this new guy is gonna sweep her off her feet. I really have to keep reminding myself that the beginning of all new relationships people will do all kinds of "special" things.
I need my anger to come out a bit more and use that anger positively.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
AnotherStander, took the words right out of my mouth in regards to her baiting you, acting like a kid, and that you shouldn't tell her how you're really feeling/doing. In the few times, that H and I speak he always makes sure to ask me how am I doing/feeling and I always say good or great and nothing more. And when he can't get information from me about me he asks our D. "What's mommy doing, where's mommy, etc." It [censored] that she just tells him, because I feel like I lose ground. But hey she's only 3.
Family dinner was in the living room on the coffee table for us as well. In fact, one week after the BD, he came by with pizza and we all ate; he came to see D that was the original plan of the visit but it didn't pan out that way. But that's a whole other story. Point is, ours weren't Norman Rockwell family dinners either, but I miss them.
Me:28 H:30 D:3 M:6.5 T:7.5 BD: 10-27-13 H moved out: 11-01-13 Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
I'm no expert. Obviously. But I wouldn't write the letter. It might sound like an ultimatum and she might not respond the way you want. Is a last resort letter one of DB or DR techniques? I haven't seen it in DR but I haven't read DB. So if it's not one of the techniques or if it isn't part of your coaching tips, I wouldn't do it. But don't just take my word for it, wait for one of the experts to respond before you give her any letter.
Or you can write the letter as some sort of therapy exercise and then destroy it. You know, for your eyes only. That way you can get it off of your chest but not cause any damage.
Me:28 H:30 D:3 M:6.5 T:7.5 BD: 10-27-13 H moved out: 11-01-13 Handling other paperwork before petition is to be filed.
