Indigo, You do realize that your wife is still in the throes of replay? It's going to take quite a few months for her to work through that and the om is going to remain in the picture whether he's reconciled w/his wife or not. The telephone calls are something that you are either going to have to live with and ignore or confront her. However, just keep in mind, the more you say to her about them, the more she'll do it. Just like a spoiled little girl.
As for snooping, it's good to know what you are up against...but it can also frustrate you, make you angry and upset you. We try to encourage posters not to do it because it just doesn't help you...if anything it brings you down more and yes, discourages you.
Your situation will not improve for quite a while because you are right there, front and center, the eye of the MLC storm. It's crazy making and the only thing you can do is keep YOUR focus on YOU and Your daughter. Your grown teenager has to grow up on her time and in her own way. The question to you is this...what are you going to do about taking care of you and your daughter.
It may come to a point that you'll have to ask her to leave. Do not leave again. If she wants to play in the sandbox, then she will need to find her shovel and bucket elsewhere.
Just remember, you didn't break her, therefore you can't fix her, control her, shame her and/or manipulate her into doing what you think is best. It just won't work while she's in crisis.
Take care of yourself and your daughter. Leave your wife in God's hands.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
