Mediation and the realization........PartV

[Positivespin]

First off- I am embarrassed by the way I tried to rationalize why a wonderful person would not want to begin a relationship with me. Upon much reflection I realized I was far to desperate to get her to like me and I was overly needy. Totally unattractive. So, to the incredible person I wrote about, who will never read this, im sorry.

Second off- I had my second (and final) mediation meeting. Guess what.....No divorce papers! I have been very clear since month 4, I will not take out the papers but if they are given to me I will sign as I will not beg to be taken back. In the meeting she said she hasnt taken them out because "she feels like a failure" but that "I think I have to because its been so long". The mediators mind was blown and she immediately asked my X to leave the room.

The mediator asked if I thought that we could reunite and I again told her (as Ive stated all along) that I could still see a path where we could be together again but it would take alot of therapy, alot of rebuilding of trust and starting at the absolute beginning...perhaps just mtg for coffee for 20 minutes.

It gets better..........

The mediator then meets with her and I leave the room. It lasts about 10 minutes then Im asked to rejoin. The mediator then tells us that she knows several pro- marriage therapists that she could direct us too and that we should not be throwing away a 18 year relationship because of "standards that may be overly critical".
My X is now staring at me to make a move, a gesture - I dont. SHE NEEDS TO BE THE ONE TO COME BACK.

Mediation continues and we are at the screws and bolts (process) part of my custody of D4. I state that it must be made clear. If either of us moves more then a 30 minute driving distance of the other I have 100% custody. She agrees - but then adds " MAYBE ILL JUST GO WITH YOU" ?????? WTF

Either way, the final papers are being drawn up and I have gone dark again. Im giving it 60 days for her to take the next step. If she does not,I will not allow myself to be any more a door mat then Ive been, the mediation papers will be done and I will move out of the house (leaving her with both the lease and the mortgage). At that time the job search begins and life Part2 for d4 and I begins.........

Reality may have caused the fog to lift a bit but I dont trust a damn thing she does or says. Its amazing,we have switched roles. I am now the super responsible one and she has become the dreamer/slacker.

What a year!