In the meantime, you sound really good. I know what you mean about wondering how you would be now, with H back in the picture.
I was thinking about this myself last night. What would XH bring to my life if he were back? I came up with sex... and intimacy. Is that enough?
Like you, idk anymore, but i feel good on my own now (what an achievement for us!).
I love the sound of your rowing - something I've always wanted to do... I'm still driving S15 to and from the river in the early hours. One day i'll do it myself!