AS. Thank you so much for your advice and your questions. I love the 2x4s. They are needed right now.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Your H came over and took the kids to go do something fun, and you're mad about it? Why? Is it because you think he's upstaging you? I doubt the kids see it that way. Look at the upside, he's still doing daddy stuff with them (some WAH's out there abandon their kids completely) and he's taking some of the load off of you. Next time he takes them, go treat yourself to a mani/ pedi
Quote:
I am not angry because H is upstaging me. I love that my H is actually spending quality time with ours kids because it was lacking the past two years. What bothers me is that H gets to do everything on his own terms. He has no problem rushing over to the house to take the kids to do something fun. Yet, when I asked for his help because S5 was sick a few weeks ago, he came over five hours after I asked for help. I would have understood if he was working, but he was at the gym and shopping at the mall.
You lost it as in yelling at him? I'm not going to 2x4 you, but will offer you this tidbit from DR- before saying or doing anything ask yourself two questions- what is my overall goal and is what I am about to say/ do putting me closer to that goal or moving me farther away? You can also use the same technique to evaluate your actions, did "losing it" help your sitch or make it worse? What could you have done differently that would change that for the better? No need to answer here, just think about it.
I did not yell at all. I just started crying and I hate crying because it makes me feel weak. I actually was pretty calm at first. I tried to explain that for the past couple of weeks I have been having a hard time because H is very critical. During the past week alone, he criticized my appearance, my spending habits, my parenting. I told him that it was difficult to be around him because he was constantly criticizing or lecturing me. Instead of listening to me, he immediately became defensive and told me that my feelings were wrong. At that point, I started to cry. I told my H that it was not about the money (despite the fact that his outing is costing more than what we spent on our entire honeymoon or the last five family vacations combined) but about the fact that he just yelled at me because we don't have any money and then he had no problem spending a LOT of money with no second thought. He is holding a double standard. This conversation lead to a larger R conversation. I really did not learn anything new. My H still wants a single life, his A, a friendship with me and his time with the kids. I just need to decide what I want.
I think that we needed to have a conversation. I don't know if it was the best timing, but it happened and I need to go from here. It was getting to the point that I preferred not to see or talk to my H at all. I feel like it was better to point out what was bothering me than just let the resentment build up and just walk away one day because I am totally feed up with H. I know that I cannot change my H, but figured I might as well put my feelings out there because it was obvious that he did not even realize that he was hurting me.
I wish that I could have had the conversation without crying. I think my H thinks that I am weak and completely unhappy because I cry. And I really am happy with all other aspects of my life. I love my job, my friends, my family and my boys. H is the only negative thing in my life right now.
