Afraid I have waited too long

[nit84]

All good points AS!!

I need to go back to re read sandi2's rules again.

I didn't think showing her our financial situation would be controlling. If we were going through paperwork anyways. The manner in which we were paying off debt was a joint discussion/decision we had about 4 or so years ago. Although, back then I did bring it to the table not her so maybe you are correct. It is my way even though it was a joint discussion.

I have been asking her different things about how she does certain things. Sometimes she answers sometimes she doesn't. When she does I try to follow with appreciative answers or positive thoughts letting her know I was listening to her. When she doesn't answer I just let it go and don't push it.

I don't mind if she does things around the house. I always wanted that in the first place. I am not doing things that W can do for herself but shoveling the driveway and chipping ice is something,in my opinion, any male room mate or H would do for his counterpart.

If I don't do things such as this, won't I come off as lazy and unmotivated? Which is what her vision of me has been based upon comments she has made in the past.

Also, If I was not back home I feel confident that these things would not be getting done for one reason or another. Once I moved back and started doing things W has followed my lead and started also doing cleaning. Her stuff only but if it cleans up 1/2 of the mess that was there then I feel it makes both us feel better.

Things were pretty bad cleanliness wise, not condemned type bad far from it, but not any place you would want anyone including family to see. It got to the point that it was overwhelming to the both of us. She mentioned this a few times to me I agreed but neither of us did anything about it.

Is there another way to approach doing these things that need done? Like telling her what my thoughts are and asking for hers concerning upgrades? She did make a comment around Christmas that we really cant do any improvements till we see what the L's say. I told her I didn't have a L and she didn't confirm she did either. I told her I wasn't ready for that yet anyhow. Now it is getting close to where I would like to start painting the rooms.

I don't want to look like I am just doing them to "show" her I have changed. These are things that truly need done if we are going to get any value out of the house in case it has to be sold.

I really am doing these things to make myself feel better but in the back of my mind I do hope a byproduct of this is it makes her feel better also. I am trying not to have expectations that it will though.