WAW's often want to start doing things for themselves after BD because they want to demonstrate to themselves that they can be out on their own successfully. But the LBH wants to do a 180 by helping whenever/ wherever they can. The more the LBH tries to help then the more the WAW resents it because it is the opposite of what she wants. She sees it as controlling, manipulative behavior, not as "help". So just let her take care of things. If she makes mistakes then so be it, right now it's what she wants.
Originally Posted By: nit84
Just thinking on the topic of going through paperwork before shredding to clean up the mess.
Hopefully, we can do this together. I think it will save time and get more accomplished, in regards to what is garbage and what should be saved.
I wouldn't push for that, she was pretty clear that she doesn't want to shred anything right now. Put it on your "stuff to do later" list.
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Should I say things like "Wow, we have come a long way since we first bought this house, remember how WE didn't think we could make it moneywise at some points? If you put your heads together everything always works out. Which is what we did."
No, there's no "we" in her mind right now. You can compliment her in non-sexual ways (such as "you've always been so good at organizing, can I ask you what you think I should do in this closet?"), but don't stress what the two of you have done jointly.
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Do I use this time to show her our financial situation again?
letting her see that in a few years we could be debt free, and having a baby is not an issue that would hamper this effort, just prolong it a bit?
NO! No talk about the future AT ALL. Are you familiar with Sandi2's 37 Rules? They are your roadmap!
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I wouldn't come right out and say that, that would be pressure/pursuing. But present the info in such a way that it allows her to see this for herself and makes her think about our sitch and the fact that it is not all that bad except in her mind.
You CANNOT control and manipulate her into seeing things your way. You've got to change the way you're looking at this. Give her TIME and SPACE. Back off and leave her alone! Work on YOU.
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My 180's in regards to cleaning and house upkeep have been going well. The W will say things like you don't have to worry about this or that. I tell her that's ok it needs done.
Don't overwhelm her with beta behavior, it's not attractive to her right now. We all did it, but it doesn't help things. If she wants to keep doing things around the house then let her.
