Ya, BA - what Bets said. I'm glad your weekend with Sarah went well. I tried the long distance thing (1000 miles) a while,back. I thought it was perfect - but I never saw how he really lived - it was like always being on vacation - wait - that's what I do best! Josh & I have always done the distance thing but 100 miles is different than 1000.
As for hospice - do what is best for your dad. As Wii said earlier - many of us have been down that road. My Mom wanted to be in hospice and we tried but couldn't get there in time. She hated the hospital & I've always felt bad that we said our goodbyes there. None of it is easy but I was lucky enough to be there every single day of the 3 months we knew she had terminal cancer. I will never regret that.
Thanks Bets, Barb and Wonka (although I'm still trying to interpret what you mean by "yellow water" - is that the same as yellow snow???).
Bets - you are spot on that the issue with Sarah is still complicated - in fact it's all pretty complicated right now and I have no idea what direction I should take - if any.
I'm going to put it all out here with the full expectation of being whacked up the side of my head by probably more than just a few of you but perhaps it will just help me to write it all down. I have a horrible time closing doors on people. I don't know if it's because I don't want to hurt their feelings, turn my back on what could possibly be the love of my life or I'm just conflict avoidant. I suspect it is a combination of all three and yes I also know that by not closing doors it can and most likely will cause more hurt for others and more conflict in the end. While it may seem like I am a "player" honestly until this past year, I have NEVER dated more than one person at a time. So no I don't think I am a player but the situation I find myself in has made me feel that way at times. While I have distanced myself from most of the women I have met on Match in the last three months, I am still seeing Julie. Then there is Marianne who I have not firmly closed the door on - although I do hear many of you who say run for the hills regarding her.
The situation with Sarah is obviously the distance apart that we both currently live - while not insurmountable the likelihood of us seeing each other more than once every couple of months is doubtful. Aside from the current family issues she has, she is actually pretty mobile in that she currently does not have a job and her children are all grown and out of the house. However it would take me quite sometime before I could ever get to a point of suggesting she move closer and I certainly cannot move anywhere for at least the next 2 1/2 years and likely more than that based on my job. That all being said she and I have a lot of things in common, we had very good chemistry together this weekend and like I already mentioned she is a genuinely nice person.
As for Julie, I really enjoy going out with her. Physically I am very attracted to her - she is very cute and is always positive with a lot of energy. We also have a lot in common. A couple of minor red flags have come up with her which perhaps keep me from being completely enamoured with her. Nothing in the dealbreaker category - yet - but just a couple of things that keep my radar up and feet dragging a bit. We have gone out on probably 5 dates so far and neither one of us has even mentioned being exclusive. While I have taken my Match profile offline, hers is still active and for all I know she is being positive and energetic with several people. Even with the minor red flags I think that if she was the only one I was dating right now I would be getting close to the point of discussing exclusitivity with her soon.
Finally saving the most complicated for last is Marianne. Had I not been so much in love with this woman it probably would not be an issue for me, but I was (emphasis on was) and because of that I find it difficult to run for the hills now even though I do understand there are valid reasons to do just that. She actually called and asked if she could come over to see me Friday night for a few minutes because she wanted to tell me some things in person. I agreed and she came by for about 15 to 20 minutes. She laid it all out on the line. Told me that she knew she had hurt me deeply and was sorry for that and understood if I wanted nothing to do with her, but she wanted me to understand that she was completely in love with me and that her feelings were true and genuine. She wishes it would have happened sooner but she couldn't control when she falls in love. I was honest with her and told her that it scared me a bit that I could not read her emotions at all. I had no clue when she wanted to break things off and I had no clue she was falling in love with me during the last two times we got together. I also told her that although I was seeing other people I had not made a commitment with anyone and I just needed some time to think through all of this.
So perhaps if Sarah lived closer I'd have an easier decision to make and just cut things off with Julie and Marianne. Or if there was no Sarah or Marianne in the picture at all perhaps I could easily fall into an exclusive dating arrangement with Julie (if that is what she wanted to do as well). Finally if I had not been so in love with Marianne, it would be easier to just tell her that our train had passed. All of these things I'm thinking through and I know I'll figure it all out sooner or later. Most likely sooner in that I don't like having all of this stress in my life. I also know that I'm my own worst enemy for being in this situation anyway and there are worse situations to be in.
Of course all of this is miniscule in nature compared to what is going on in Florida with my father. I do fear that he has a very painful last few weeks/months ahead of him and with me being up here almost a thousand miles away my remaining time with him will be quite limited. I do plan to take a couple of more trips down to see him, sooner rather than later.
Thanks Bets, Barb and Wonka (although I'm still trying to interpret what you mean by "yellow water" - is that the same as yellow snow???).
Your own words, m'dear. I said nothing about yellow snow!! I'm just engaging in trash talking with you and Bets when calling Scotch "yellow water." As you know, I'm a huge amaretto fan.
I couldn't have gone through my own ordeal without the support of truly wonderful hospice staff. A true blessing right there. My hat's off to you, Gineen, for being a hospice nurse! xo
Wonka - Amaretto...is there even any alcohol in that stuff???
Talked to my Mom yesterday. She is tired and frustrated. The radioligist is recommending they simply contact hospice and go that route. The oncologist who has been wishy washy from the get go about everything (when my mother asked him point blank two weeks ago if the cancer had metastasized he said he wouldn't know that for years) is now recommending some experimental medicine approach that my mother says wouldn't be covered by their insurance.
Meanwhile my Dad is still in a lot of pain. They are going sometimes 2 or 3 times a day to medical appointments, either for the radiation treatments, dialysis treatments or something else.
I feel a bit helpless at this end other than lending an ear and offering as much support and advice as I can over the phone.
I am absolutely furious with my Ex right now. This is regarding the 24 year old New York pervert school teacher. She texted me this morning to let me know the police had finished imaging D15's phone and that they wanted to talk to her this afternoon - that things didn't look good. She is concerned about D15 getting dragged into this further. I texted her back telling her that I didn't want to see D15 stressed out anymore than she already is either. I told her the only game changer would be if we found out from information on the phone that this creep had had come down here and contacted D15. Ex replies to this that he DID come down here on January 3rd. She says she found out and met him reading him the riot act and told him to stop contacting D15. She "thought" she handled it and didn't want to add more stress on to my plate since I was dealing with everything in Florida. However once he returned to New York he continued contacting D15 which resulted in her then calling the police and letting me know about the situation. Even after this blew up last week she didn't say anything at all about him being here. Argghh! This whole situation just got a whole lot more serious and messier.
BA, your XW is a f*cking idiot! I can't believe she didn't contact the cops when she found out that he was driving from NY to VA. And I also can't believe she didn't tell YOU first. I have long hated the couched phrase of "I didn't want to hurt you" or "I didn't want to burden you" blah blah. To me that really meant "I knew you'd be mad and I was hoping that I'd get off scot free".
I hope the cops read HER the riot act.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
BA, your XW is a f*cking idiot! I can't believe she didn't contact the cops when she found out that he was driving from NY to VA. And I also can't believe she didn't tell YOU first. I have long hated the couched phrase of "I didn't want to hurt you" or "I didn't want to burden you" blah blah. To me that really meant "I knew you'd be mad and I was hoping that I'd get off scot free".
I hope the cops read HER the riot act.
In total agreement with you Betsey! She really thinks she was only doing what she thought was best by not letting me know about it. I suspect she thought she had scared the pervert off and the whole issue would just go away and she wouldn't have to deal with me finding out about it. However once he returned to New York he continued to stay in contact with D15 that's when she decided to contact the police and let me know about the issue. It p*sses me off that she kept it from me at first and then when the contact continued and she had to tell me about the situation and that she had contacted the police, she STILL kept this information about him coming down here and her talking to him to herself and didn't let me know. My life is way too complicated right now...
Oh no, Betsey - I hope you and everyone else are ok. Cars can be replaced - people can't. Had my follow-up with dr today. Some tests were a bit "off" so rather than re take them - he has decided I should go with surgery. It doesn't mean cancer - just that it is possible pre cancer or possibly cancer but he expects to be able to get it all and will do a hysteroscopy so we know for sure what we are dealing with. He has also said I can go to Florida and scheduled surgery for right after I get back. Mostly this is because my Mom had the same cancer at exactly my age. That's scary! Other than that - I am into the extreme cold and incredibly deep snow. Got stuck in Ashley's driveway today (her plow was late) and drove 90 min south on snow covered roads. I sure love my tires! Life goes on. Happy to be home with my kitties and my Ryan! Home is a nice place!
BA, you're only good for yellow water.
As you know, I'm a huge amaretto fan.