Limbo is the new normal

[slow_it_down]

Confluences, I'm on the east coast. Despite the weather I've been trying to get outside more, even when it's cold. I'm certainly getting more exercise shoveling snow than I ever dreamed of this year - ha ha.

Saturday my H texted me, "we need to talk about some things." Sunday he came over and acted like he had nothing to say. When I finally got him to talk he brought up the fact that he felt pushed away when I set his stuff on the counter to go home with him after I cleaned up the Christmas tree. I was annoyed that he didn't say something sooner and chose to carry around that feeling instead of asking me about it. I sent his presents and stuff home because our house is full with the addition of baby, but he has a big empty house were he lives. I said if he moves back we can talk about how to make his stuff fit then. I'm not open to him just sort of leaving things randomly.

He also brought up the way the MIL visit was handled. He said he doesn't understand how my feelings can sway so dramatically. I was literally on the verge of leaving him over this because it was a really big deal for me. I had to dig really deep to stop the downward spiral and apologize. My blood still boils thinking about it.

After our initial talk I left him alone with the baby and went upstairs to clean. We didn't talk for hours. After dinner I finally asked him what he wants and what he's planning. I said you've known me for enough years and we've been doing this limbo thing for months. I asked what he wants and what he's willing to sacrifice to get it. I also told him the things I need that are missing. Him showing up at 7pm and going to bed at 8 isn't a marriage. I told him I'm sick of eating dinner alone every night and need more companionship. I also said I need more help because I work too and it's not far that I have to do everything while he does whatever he wants.

He said he can't move in until we both feel like we aren't walking on egg shells. He said he'd be willing to be around more and help more if I can be more "mentally stable" and not change my mind so often.

I left the conversation feeling neither good nor bad about things. However on Monday when he asked about my day, I told him I was very stressed working from home with all 3 kids because of the holiday. Without being asked he showed up to help hold the baby while I cooked dinner and he ate with us. So it seems he heard me... So it's back to limbo as usual with things feeling fine between us but him being no closer to giving up his own place.