Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
hope it was a great bday!1 re voyage...while in your MLC fog, did any friends reach out to you to try and snap you out of it, question you on what the hell you were doing? and your reaction if so??
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
I'm back! First things first, I am bummed that my beloved Pats got beaten by the Broncos. Had to eat a bunch of humble pies along the way. Ms. Wonka did send me a HBD text and we engaged in playful ribbing on the Broncos vs. Pats game as she's a Broncos fan. In the birthday greeting, Ms. Wonka was unusually perky and joking.
Hi Wonka,
How old are you? Ha! Have a wonderful birthday year! Happy Belated Wonka Day!
Autosignature...Ms. Wonka
She's more and more comfortable with calling me by my name. Also playful during the game...after the game was over...I said gotta hand it to Manning and she said A win is a win! We knew that already! :-)
AJ:I was asking more along the lines of what did she see and think about your behavior? She thought something was wrong, but anything else?
That's a good question that needs to be put to Ms. Wonka. We won't ever know...will we? sigh I am sure she was mystified and baffled by my MLC behaviors. This, again, is one of those what-if questions I have about Ms. Wonka doing research and figuring out that I had MLC. I'd like to think that would have made her a Stander. Who knows.
What did you say when you were not so lucid? Maybe during a harvest moon or something?
Something like that! Actually, I am able to recall only three lucid moments that consisted of the following quotes to Ms. Wonka: 'Something's wrong with me.''I'm not the bad guy here.''I'm glad you are getting support from OWName. We'll get through this somehow.'
It's been my experience that those that have gone through the tunnel are more "sensitive" to people hiding their emotional, mental, memory, sex drive, etc "masks". I know my ex's uncle mentioned he thought there was something different about her a few years prior to BD. Of course that was hindsight on his part, but he's "sensitive" to such things wink Could you have been spotted by somebody at that time? Anyone ever come forward and say something about that?
We're pretty darn good with the masks. I did my share with the general public and others outside of the marital home. I think none of them were the wiser except Ms. Wonka. Nope...no one said anything to my face. They were probably uncomfortable...just a guess. Again, as I stated on Linda's previous threads, I hated having 1, 236 eyeballs on me judging every movement I made. To a certain degree, our paranoia is a bit more magnified during the MLC fog. Silly in retrospect.
And why would it have been foolish to talk to Ms Wonka about your problems?
Whoops-a! To clarify, "foolish to talk about problems with Ms. Wonka to outsiders." That's what I was talking about originally. Thanks for pointing it out, AJ.
RT:Still following along Wonka my dear. Thanks for sharing. I'm learning so much.:)
You're welcome to disembark from the USS Wonkie Enterprise at anytime! I accept refunds.
Busting:Wonka thank you for sharing this with us. I am reading along. Listening and taking note in the back of the class..
Hiya...I am sure your notebook is three miles thick!
Rick:They are happy and focused. They have this sense of relief. But I think the opposite is true.
We MLCers are quite adept at putting on masks during the MLC fog and speak in tongues. But truly, truly...we're struggling and drowning in our misery internally. Don't believe chit we spout proclaiming "we're much happier...blah blah" from the high mountain. That high mountain is an ant hill that baby ants learn to harvest food in Ant 101 class.
AJ: I also don't know that cocky is the way I would describe that. It seems more like a peacock to me when I see it. Kind of like, "Look. I'm happier now. Look at me and how happy I am now that I left that dead weight."
AJ, I think you're the one that has come the closest to a pretty "accurate" assessment of the MLCer thought process here. Pretty bang on.
Heather: When I asked Smokey if the pain goes away when he is doing his "partying," he said, "It never goes away, even when I was on vacation with OW."
Is that him telling me what I want to hear? Or does the Peacock walk around with a shallow happiness?
This is one of Smokey's unguarded, candid moments where clarity shoots out of his own mouth. This is the truth. He's not telling you what you want to hear, but what it actually is going on inside him.
Complicated: I always thought too that when they have affairs they can't like themselves too much. How could they?
Spot on! Ayep.
You have been very gracious to let us inside the head of a former mlcer. Thanks for that.
Curtesying to you in my rad pink tutu.
WBW:while in your MLC fog, did any friends reach out to you to try and snap you out of it, question you on what the hell you were doing? and your reaction if so??
Nope. As I mentioned previously, I think people probably felt uncomfortable around me. Also you need to remember that during the heavy fog periods, we pull away from family, friends, and hobbies. So I would imagine it'd be hard for them to see what really went on behind the closed doors. If they ever commented or confronted me, I'd most probably cut them off and think they're crazy. It is never about us that's "wrong." This is why we do silly, crazy, foolish, and reckless stuff. We just don't view things as "right" or "wrong"...remember our empathy chips are crack'd! Make sense?
Thank you for your wonderful HBD wishes! Now, now...look FY...don't get any far fetched ideas that I'm into DX stuff. Put away that paddle, Mr. Bad Boy!
M48 H50 M21 T26 S20 at college),S17,D15-cp, dev. delay- cogniv 5yrs old PA confirmed 7/2012 H separates 9/2012 H move home 2/13& 7/13 lasted 2weeks.ILYNILWY OW still in picture. h filed 10/13
AJ, I think you're the one that has come the closest to a pretty "accurate" assessment of the MLCer thought process here. Pretty bang on.
that worries me more than you know, Wonka
Isn't it nice that the teams that are going are both from states that legalized mj and are having a 'superbowl' party ? I know I for one owe a lot of my highschool buddies an apology. They were just ahead of their time on that one...
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I'm glad you had the fun interchange with Ms. Wonka.
Question:
In the day in the life of MLC-Wonk, did you pretty much remain stuck and rigidly convinced you were doing right or did moments of lucidity creep in daily?
And, did you ever feel resigned to your new life-even though the pain didn't go away like you thought it would-like there was simply no way back considering how much hurt had been done to Ms. Wonka?
Smokey seems to be on such a suicide mission--determined to burn every bridge. It's hard for me to imagine him ever making a U-turn.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Just a brief note for those of you who are incurable romantics who still hope that Ms. Wonka and I will 'get back' together. News Flash!! News Flash!!
Ms. Wonka is married to the OW. I haven't snooped in a long, long time and recently came across a YouTube video of Ms. Wonka with a wedding band on her left finger.
Now y'all can finally put your fantasy away for good! phew...wiping my brow
