J, let me just say to start that you are right in that you are worthy and that no one should be mistreated ever, crisis or not.
I agree with AJ, in that I think anger propels us forward. The hope is that there will come a time when you can let the anger go because holding onto it saps your energy.
At some point, when the hurt and anger and pain outweigh the obstacles needed to ovecome to move forward, you will figure out what you want.
As far as the changes go, they should never be for the spouse. They should always be for you. I used what my xh said as a starting point, although truthfully he never gave me any concrete reasons. Took what little he did say, looked at it, changed what I agreed with, tossed the rest.
Then I looked inside, looked at people I admired. Decided who I wanted to be.
