I feel your pain, PM. I miss my daughter so much. It is undoubtedly the hardest part of this process. Everyone I speak with tells me, "just be strong for her. She needs you". They say, "you're a great Dad, so she will always have you in her life", that sort of thing. While that is comforting, I worry about the future connection I will have. How will things change when I move on with someone else. How will OM play a role in my relationship with D. Those are things I worry about 24/7. I assume you worry too. how can we not? We would have to be completely dense not to worry about those things.
The good news is, we do have control over this part. Just be a strong Dad for your girls, stay involved, stay positive. I have made huge efforts in myself, to separate Wife from Daughter. It has made my interactions with both of them more positive. Co-parenting is just as difficult, (if not more so), than maintaining the marriage. It takes a lot of work and a lot of tongue biting, but I honestly believe in the long run it will pay off. I wish you luck, PM. You really impress me as the type of Dad that will make it!
Thanks suckerpunch.
I will give them my all, I just want to give them more, what I feel they deserve. I know you know what I mean.
And I will push the thought of an OM tucking them in at night, helping them with their homework and such. I'm not ready to deal with that mentally right now. I'm typically a very cool, collected, and calm person, but I am calm like a bomb.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Other than loving "possimpossible"... What does your W want?
I know my W is committed to our marriage from some sense of loyalty, etc, where her PA made her feel "dead inside", yadda yadda yadda.
The women I know want a strong capable future-preserving man. If you've been controlling, I can see your W maybe being a bit off-put by that full-force, but maybe it's a time to just season.
I make an amazing pork tenderloin, but for 48 hours, I do a 3x Old Bay rub to it, and then I pan-sear it for about 5 minutes. The 5 minutes is what people see, not the 48 hours rub. Are you "rubbing", not to be obscene, or searing?
I've backed way off and am rubbing.
I never really thought I was searing, but she saw what she thought was a flame and I guess thought I was going to start searing, and that's what spooked her. So I take that she is still uber-sensitive to my actions and will be extremely cognizant of that when I interact with or around her.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
So XW is in a bit of a pickle. She can't afford the van payment, but can't get out of the loan because of how upside down she is on it (though it is in my name).
There's nothing really I can do, and there's nothing really I should do, I'm just concerned and curious.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
That sounds like a "consequence". I guess life isn't always peaches and cream on the other side of the fence.
Very true.
But she needs to taste success. We can't get back together out of necessity. If we get back together, it needs to be because we both choose each other, realizing that the other person makes our lives better.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Are you afraid she'll feel like she has "no other choice" than to start working with you because of the financial problems, etc?
It's a thought, but I'm not afraid of it. She's pretty determined, though. I don't know if she would allow herself to do that.
But who knows, when we hit rock bottom sometimes we reevaluate things because at the bottom there is a whole new perspective.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I know it wasn't encouraging to you - but my W has come full circle after hitting rock bottom. Financially, she is ruined. Her credit will be tanked for 5+ years, and she is having to consolidate to try to get deals on her credit cards. She has always been a spender, and now she is miserable with a ton of debt and hates it. She also realizes that while she's paying off debt the next 3-5 years, that's money we could be using for nice vacations, etc.
I will say this: the fact that she hit rock bottom on this while completely separated from me was big - so it is crucial that your W have this fight without you in it; she can't blame you, and maybe her perspective of both herself, and your relationship can finally change...
I will say this: the fact that she hit rock bottom on this while completely separated from me was big - so it is crucial that your W have this fight without you in it; she can't blame you, and maybe her perspective of both herself, and your relationship can finally change...
Yeah. I just need to man up and do it.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
But who knows, when we hit rock bottom sometimes we reevaluate things because at the bottom there is a whole new perspective.
I like that PM. It's very true. Such a different perspective. Thank you for that
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
