separated 6 weeks still on the journey

[paul19510]

YES, Bug I'm just getting caught up in the hurting part of this today. I have to remember life is good. I have my kids with me, they are happy and the house is really doing well so far. I've been working on myself and I physically feel very good after embarking on a new fitness program.

For some reason the negative side of this situation (no contact and no real movement) is sticking to me today. Does that make sense? Did that happen to you during your journey? I feel frustrated and feel like giving up.

Patience is key as you and others have reminded me. This is still very young.

If I knew that she was just hanging out and had no intentions to come home and that this was not going to result in some chance to talk and perhaps reconcile, I'd end it and move on. but, as you and others have pointed out, the situation and the reasons behind our continued separation may be changing from day to day. I have no way of knowing what my W is thinking or why she continues to stay married but silent.

I guess I should take my W at her word when she told me 2 weeks ago that she struggles with the "...can I come home and not leave you again....I never want this to happen again and if I come home to you its forever...that is what I have to think about now..."

I just can't get my head around how we maintain anything with virtually no contact. what's left? How do we do that? I'm probably way ahead of myself given the current state of my situation.

I guess I miss her too now that I admit it. I don't see any signs that she misses me also. that hurts too. I'll work thru it. I have to accept what I can't change.

I did avoid contact again today even though the weather is poor and I was worried. I know she's in contact with my Kids and if something were really wrong and she needed to, she'd reach out. I have to let go.