W went to the doctor yesterday and it's confirmed that she does have lymphedema and will need to wear a compression sleeve day and night for the rest of her life. D17 told me this late last night, she said W was very upset and crying over the realization that this isn't something that will just go away, and that she felt really unattractive. I called W and told her I was sorry to hear the prognosis, but incredibly she just threw the wall-of-ice right up in my face. Very cold and indifferent when discussing it with me. I just will never get used to how she will totally spill her emotions to others even if she just met them in the bleachers at a ball game, but to me it's all the ice queen treatment. Anyway, I asked her a bunch of questions- the sleeve she wears during the day is kind of like a panty hose thing but the one she wears at night is a large tube that she says is 12" in diameter. She is in stage 1 of this, stage 3 is "lymphostatic elephantiasis" and you can probably infer from that name what it looks like. If she keeps wearing the sleeve it will supposedly stay in stage 1. I just offered her support and validation as much as I could, but it was not warmly received. That's OK, such is life with a WAS.
Originally Posted By: 2ndTimeHurt
People like us, people who actually give a damn; it's so painful for us when we see the ones we care about hurting.
It really is painful. It doesn't help that she is so damned cold towards me when I'm trying to reach out to her too. It's not like I'm trying to reconcile, I'm just trying to offer friendly support like I would to anyone I know. But her attitude makes it feel like I'm doing something wrong, not sure that statement would make sense to anyone but a LBS, LOL!
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I've followed a lot of your posts and I can't believe how spot on you are. It's all stuff I've witnessed during our first break up, but it's refreshing to hear someone else say it again. I know you'll figure something out regarding your sitch.
Thank you, that's kind of you, I appreciate it
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You remind me a lot of this other "older" guy that helped me out on a another forum during my first break up. I really respect the wisdom of people much older than myself.
Thanks again, I'm flattered!
Originally Posted By: stilllookingup
I'm really sorry to hear this. I really don't have any clever thing to say but it just breaks my heart hearing this from somebody so strong and inspiration on this board.
Thank you!
Originally Posted By: Lifes Twists
My W was in the hospital for most of this past September. She had to have a foot of her small / large intestine removed and had complication.
Oh my gosh! Does she have Crohn's Disease or Colitis maybe?
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I made a point of bring at least one of our children by everyday. She asked me why I bothered. I told her that when I was in the hospital and I never saw the kids or barely her that I felt alone in the world. I also felt that the kids needed to see how family members supported each other in tough times. I also cried and prayed a lot for her.
That is really amazing of you! I have a friend who divorced her abusive H many years ago and he still goes out of his way to make her life as miserable as possible. If she were in the hospital he would not only keep the kids away, but would tell her she was getting just what she deserved in whatever ailment put her there. There are a lot of people like that out there. It amazes me how DB'ing people are just the opposite- they are warm, caring, passionate people and it is astonishing to me that their spouses can't see it.
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I don't think you will ever be able to turn off your feelings for her. Showing that you care and are concerned in front of your children will go a long ways. Set the best example you can for them regardless of what the W does. You will be comfortable with yourself for doing the right thing.
