PatientMan - 6th Edition - Acting Divorced

[PatientMan]

So last night was one of my weeknights with the girls. XW is trying to sell her vehicle so she can get a lower monthly payment. She asked if I could stay with the girls longer so she could run an errand related to figuring out how to get the new vehicle.

Of course I said that was fine.

One of the consequences of our boundary establishment that didn't cross my mind at the time was that I was going to lose a lot of quality time with my daughters.

Our routine was I would come up after work and do a lot of the nighttime routine with them. Make sure their homework is done and help with that if needed, make sure everyone showered, brushed their teeth, and cleaned up. I would do devotions with them and tuck them in individually.

With the new boundaries I only see the girls twice during the week, and one of XW's boundaries was she wants me in her house less, to establish that as her space so she can work towards feeling the way she needs to feel to heal.

So I lost a HUGE part of my involvement with the girls. All of that stuff I do with them...gone. HUGE.

But I got to do that last night and it felt GREAT. It's only been two weeks, but I miss that so much. I can't tell you how hard that's been on me. All along we have agreed and maintained that I wanted to be as involved as possible, so to be "acting divorced" in this respect is really hurting. I miss my girls.

I call them every morning before school and D4 asked if I am coming up tonight to see them. I told her that I wasn't, that I come up on Mondays and Wednesdays, and she just started bawling.

She's 4. She doesn't understand why I'm not around more, she just misses her dad. And I hope they "get" that I WANT to see them as much as I can, that I'm not NOT seeing them as much because it's an inconvenience or because I have better things to do or because I don't love them as much. I tell them that, but I hope they "get" it.

And D7, who already knows the answer, but thought it couldn't hurt to ask, asked if I could spend the night last night so she would feel safer.

I LOVE being a dad. I want to be an involved dad. I DO NOT want to be an every other weekend dad.

I know I need to make the best of whatever time I have with them, and I do and will. But I feel like I'm losing my girls now too.

We're trying out this "acting divorced" thing because we both have places we need to get to, but I worry that it will just become the new norm instead of a temporary necessity.

-PM