LOL, BA, we must be on the same spock-like posting schedule!
I'm glad you and Sarah had such a good time. So, it doesn't sound like you're any more clear on what you want with her than before she came? She sounds nice and fun (and yes, gotta appreciate the long distance rooting for the donkeys) and complicated? I think I told you that I'm okay with LD R's... they force you to take things sloooooowly. On the other hand, when you do see each other, you tend to be doing things that are fun, you let things go that bother you because you don't want to spoil the time, and I think the tendency to set ourselves up for rose colored glasses leans in that direction. I also think when they do work, that there is a plan at an agreeable time to eliminate that distance.
Sounds like you have a lot to think about?
But again, I my spidey sense says to remind you to pay attention to the timing of everything. You're a little emotionally raw and vulnerable right now. As your scotch drinking pal, I say to you, "Honor yourself and your feelings first, Dave". Because you have every reason to feel the emotions that you feel right now. Not only that, healthy people use these situations to acknowledge them and give them their full due to fully heal on the other side. You have never seemed like the kind of guy who needed a distraction to numb pain...
I don't know if I ever told you, but I was a hospice volunteer for 10 years. It was truly one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. I'm a firm believer in making our loved ones comfortable through the process. After all, when an expectant family is getting ready for a transition, we often have volunteers to help us through that, so why not at the end?
I'll probably cry when I write this, but the best thing I ever got from doing that work was the beauty and gift of family who honor the dying process for what it is. There are a couple families who positively impacted me for life by being real with themselves, their dying family member, and those of us on the care team. And truly one of the most profound moments in my life occurred watching a family hold their member's hand during his last moments on earth, talk to each other and him, tell him how much they loved him and how much he would be missed, but that they knew it was time for him to go and telling him to go freely. The man died within minutes. And after he passed, they all looked at each other through the tears and said, "Let's go out to eat. That's what we do best." I loved them for that. I've decided that would be my perfect ending if I were ever to have the choice. They told me afterward that they all acknowledged nobody wants to die alone, so they made sure they were present with their dad/hubby/grandfather every step of the way. That man must have done something right to have so much love at a time when lots of people run scared.
Hugs to you and your family, BA. Although I have not lost a parent, it's got to be one of the most difficult things ever.
Bets
p.s. Scotch would definitely be nicer, but I'm okay with her commitment to Peyton.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
