separated 6 weeks still on the journey

[paul19510]

Bug, thank you again for a very thoughtful answer. I don't know if W felt that I was respectfully listening. I know that she often commented that I defended myself. so, I guess I'd have to say NO she didn't. I guess that doesn't matter now, except that it has become a 180 of mine for any future contact. that's one positive I can take away.

In the grand scheme of things, its been a week today since we've talked. that's fairly small amount of time. I must learn to be more patient. Again, I feel frustrated by years of being ignored and set aside, only to be here in limbo. I have to work through that and decide how long I will decide to wait. I guess this ride ends if and when I say it ends. if I wanted to, I could call her today and say "I can't live like this and I want out..." I'm not there yet. Sometimes like this I want to be.

I also worry that she's just stringing me along until she gets better situated with a better job, etc. to afford her horses. she's going to have trouble keeping things going that she likes if my part of the money is reduced and it will be according to all the work I have done on that so far. Our incomes are very different. She's not going to have access to the same funds she has today and its going to get really tight for her. so my mind wonders, is she just keeping this going so she can maintain her lifestyle. More later.