separated 6 weeks still on the journey

[paul19510]

Hi all ad thanks for checking my thread and supporting me. it really helps.

Bug, I agree. I let myself be hurt for a long time. then when we separated, I had this idea in my mind that we'd be one of "those couples" that dates and works. So far, nothing's happened that I have not initiated. So when I realized this, I took a step back. I need to see what happens now that I remove my efforts to reach out and stay connected. But, yes, abandonment and hurt.

She lied to me for months that she could NOT SLEEP IN a BED. had to be on the couch due to hip and back pain. I think one of the other folks here has a H that's saying the same kind of things. But, since she left, no problems...W sleeps in a bed.

She told me she HAD TO BE At the BARN all of that time she was. She couldn't sit with us for family meals. After coaching with Jody last December I began Db'ing and one of the things Jody reminded me of was to continue to make family meals even if W would not or would not join US. now that she's out she consistently come and goes from the Barn at hours that are organized and much shorter than when she was home. She no longer "hides" at the barn. Lies....

I guess if I'm feeling mad and don't want to talk, she may also be feeling things and doesn't want to talk either. part of me wonders if/when we'll actually talk again.

Your experiences prove that sometimes things do work out. I am continuing to just work on improving me. I have convo's in my head with her all the time. In the beginning they were more "please come back " type of convo's. now they are more of the "I don't like you and I don't like what you just did....you have no idea how much you hurt me and the kids...." I don't know how to look at her and not be angry. I don't have to worry about it though. She's basically disappeared....

Sorry to sound so dark. I'm sure its just a phase. I've worked really hard on me (she seems exempt from having to do anything) and she is just floating farther away. She'll never know.

I see now that by removing my efforts, the only contacts we've had have been me reaching out. that stings a little too. Also, she won't say she's in and she's won't say she's out. I an move on with 90 percent of my life, but I'd really love to enjoy time with a companion and laugh and enjoy life again. I pretty much lost out on that for many years with W (more lies about why she just couldn't be there) now its my turn.

No one nice and with any common sense would come near me with my current M status and I wouldn't blame them. I know its early for thinking about that...I've missed out on a lot for more than a decade now. its starting to hurt and NOW she wants MORE TIME to be apart and act platonic.....Except W's not really even doing that now. She's just someone I share a bank account with.

again sorry. done ranting now