PatientMan - 6th Edition - Acting Divorced

[melissag]

Oh dear, PM.

And we cannot...we MUST NOT forget that once I've accepted a challenge, I cannot unaccept the challenge. I cannot rest until the challenge is completed.

This sounds like something I would say. What is the challenge, PM? What if, instead of the challenge being making your XW come back to you (which we all know you have no control over), it was FOR YOU to live a happy life? (Irrespective of whether XW is part of it.)

Actually, past that. To the place where the possible and the impossible meet, to become... the possimpible.

I would actually call that the possimpossible. But neither one makes a damn bit of sense.

The bottom line for me is: is it the right thing to do? And also: not doing something I will regret.

What does "right"mean? Right for what? For whom? And how do you know?

Well she doesn't want a relationship with me now without her issues addressed, and no I will not decide that the person she is now and the R we have now is enough for me. It is not.

OK, so what are you doing, then?

I DID feel done. But then I ran a little experiment that showed me I'm not ready for someone else right now, so I can't use that tool to facilitate me moving on.

Ummm. Have you realized the flaw in this logic? If you continue to hang on to your XW, do you think you will ever be ready for someone else?

Also, why do you need that tool to facilitate you moving on? You don't need to move on with someone else to move forward without your XW, do you?

And I also got a kick in the seat of the pants of my morals and values, and that picked me back up again. It woke me back up, so I stood up, went and bought my ducky inner-tube floaty, and am standing on the shore again.

I don't know how you are getting any action from any women wearing this ridiculous ducky thing on your waist, but to each her own, I guess.

But seriously . . . what are your morals and values that are in play here? And when does your happiness become part of that?

I will admit, I have thoughts along these lines. It goes something like this. My H and I promised each other to love each other through thick and thin and losing baseball seasons, bald spots, GI viruses, lice (but not pubic lice), and rainy weather (or whatever we said, I haven't been able to bring myself to read the vows yet even though I do have the write up of the whole service). And my H svcks for breaking his promises. For walking away. For not trying. For bailing when things got tough. For caring more about his own happiness than our M or our children. So . . . if I just say OK, let's get D, and I move on without him, am I just as bad as he is??

I am not sure where to draw that line. And maybe it is because I am a woman, and I have a daughter, but I wonder . . . if I were to hang on for 2+ years, while H continues to break my heart, am I teaching her the right thing or the wrong thing?

By the way, I have to tell you that your "Neosporin can heal things" comment about made me spit out my drink. I am a big fan of clever humor.

Also, JonF made a great point. Make sure that you really are still being awesome.