Reaching out for support and advice 2

[melissag]

Blues, it's hard to let go of those little things . . . I still have a hard time when I am with H and he doesn't hold my hand in a crowd or help me out of the car or the things he used to do. (Particularly when you are there with M friends and their Hs are doing those things.) It's not necessarily inappropriate expectations - it's just something to get used to. Don't beat yourself up about being disappointed.

No 2x4s here, I think you have beaten yourself up enough about getting physical with your H. It sounds like you have a lot of pent up anger toward him - totally understandable. I know it helps to talk about it in IC. I also would suggest (and I am not joking or being facetious here) kickboxing. I go twice a week, along with training in Tae Kwon Do 3x a week, so I have a lot of opportunities to hit and kick things, and let me tell you, it feels GOOD.

Everyone needs to release that rage . . . a friend of mine said she took this giant Nemo stuffed animal into the basement and after the kids were asleep she would just beat the sh!t out of it with a baseball bat, until the stuffing started flying out.

In the first weeks following DB, when H was still in the house, and all that martial arts wasn't even enough, I used to take a basketball outside and whip it at the side of the garage, slam it into the ground as hard as I could, and otherwise abuse the crap out of
it (I had to keep refilling it with air, LOL!).

I also once REALLY wanted to break all the plates in the house, but was deterred by the prospect of cleaning all that up, so instead I took the bucket of ice from the freezer and slammed it into the concrete patio. That was kind of fun.

(I hope anyone reading this doesn't think I am psycho . . . hehe.)

It helps. Get rid of your rage in an acceptable manner so you don't have to worry about losing it with your H again. You lost it once, you feel badly, you know it won't happen again - now let it go and move on.

(((Blues)))