Reaching out for support and advice 2

[bluesgal]

Well, I've made some progress lately, just to set myself back a lot.

As I detach from and dislike who my H is more and more, things get better between us.

Problem: I've been having expectations without realizing it. Example: We went out to eat on Saturday night with friends for dinner club. Had a great time. I asked my H how his steak was and he said delicious. Here's the problem: In the past, he would have offered me some and I'd have done the same. I was disappointed. (Didn't show it) The same happened when all of us girls were wearing our tall boots with heels out in the snow to go the the bar next door. All the H helped their wives by holding their elbows. Mine did only once I actually slipped. In the past, he would have been the first to have helped me. In the past I would have been the first to not appreciate it, too

My big problem comes when these expectations that believe it or not, I didn't even realize I had, build up.

2x4 moment: The next day I engaged H in R talk ugh! Then even worse, I hit my breaking point as H was spewing anger and I acted out physically. I don't want to go into details as I am not proud, but we are no longer on speaking terms. H is spewing more anger than ever and I gave him every reason to. I went to C appt today and she was sympathetic. I've never acted in this manner before. Ever. She believes I never will again based on my shame and remorse. I didn't know things would get this bad. My behavior was awful. I officially feel like this has been irreparable damage. Who behaves like that? Oy, what has become of me?