I wan't surprised to read your post that you may not have chosen to marry him again, if you could do it all again. I can remember you saying that even before this MLC business, he wasn't quite the right man for you and hadn't been for many years. But with young children, choices are limited.
In my case, I would have done it all again, maybe a little differently, maybe I would have been a little more brave, but I would have. Not that I think those things would have made a difference in the end (or at least I know that NOW) but we had a good realtionship. One I miss every day.
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But I do know that allowing another person, even a damaged person, to mistreat me is not the "right" thing. (How'd you like that Jaye-go-to-al-anon folks?) I have changed some of my own behaviors, the "enabling" behaviors. I have changed my perspective; realized that despite being so-called by H, I am not actually the root of all evil. Realized that I am worthy of love, respect and kindness regardless of my achievements (or lack thereof) and regardless of whether or not I fall asleep on the couch.
Spot on, Jaye. You are NOT disgusting, revolting, evil, one-eyed, fuzzy haired or whatever H has accused you of. Even he knows it. This is not a way to treat someone else. Full Stop. Period.
Took some time to get there, didn't it? Did for me, too. Blamed myself for everything until I realized that none of my "sins" deserved the retaliation they got back. I cringe when I see the newbies who are frantically cleaning the house, losing weight or doing whatever their partners have said they needed to fix. I cringe because it makes no difference and really, it never did. Sorry my thighs weren't perfect, of course you had to be cruel to me and cheat on me! I am past buying any of that.
MizJ, I am so sure that you will make a gazillion friends! I certainly count you as one of mine!
