I'm a very lucky person, but still fine tuning

[woundedfool]

Papers have been signed, attorneys have been paid, accounts have been separated, lines of credit cancelled. Effectively, my marriage is over.

It is never the path I would have chosen in life, but whether it is health, employment/career, hitting the lottery.... many of life's situations we don't have the ability to control (as much as we hope and pray we can). And you know what? I am OK with it.

This is not my swan song, I would like to stick around and try my best to contribute and help as this forum is only as strong as its participants. So I thought I would post this hoping it helps someone, sometime.

Aside from running out and getting DB and DR (which you should do, and read immediately, and then re-read, and then re-read, wash rinse repeat).

Some things took too long to sink in, so I am re-posting things in the hopes other catch on quicker then I did as that would have saved me time and pain. Once they did sink in I could almost see a giant cartoon like light bulb turn on over my head:

1. Cadet welcomed me with

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Francis Bacon

Keep Posting but have patience for your posts to show up

Aside from googling: "who the hell is Francis Bacon" (for the record: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Bacon )
Time and patience are the keys here. You will not have your spouse run out and get a refund from the lawyer, change their mind as quick as they made it up. This is the beginning of a long process. Some will work out in a many months, some never will. And if they do work out, the old marriage/way will be a different version.

2. Memorize the 37 rules, there is a reason it is a sticky. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2250607#Post2250607

I, for one, saved them to my phone, Kindle and printed a copy for my car, and one that was in my coat at all times.

3. Work on YOU!

a. As I state above reading DB/DR is working on you, so keep up with that.

b. Seek qualified help DB Coaching, counseling, support groups, pastoral care, etc.

c. Since this takes time (see #1), you will have all this "down time". Where traditionally you were used to coming home to dinner, going out, playing with the kids, etc. In my case custody is 50/50, so on my off weeks I was going crazy. Embrace something, anything: jump into a bowling league, join a gym, volunteer at the soup kitchen, take a 6 week foreign language class. In my case I have been working on finishing my degree and contemplating taking the GMAT or LSAT.

4. Keep an open mind about everything and don't close any doors. Never in a million years did I think I would EVER plant a garden Who knows... you might learn to play "Stairway to Heaven".

My big takeaway is that while my marriage is/was a part of me and the divorce is too. Do NOT let it define you, You have the power to write your own story. Use that power to create your own definition of you and where you are headed.