Wife Said She's Done - Pt. 2 ..and Still Hopeful

[OneDay]

I don't know Labug, I've just been so down on myself lately. I guess its not a lose/lose. I should take it as a positive that she noticed the problem and communicated it to me.

To be honest with everyone here, Im not taking this well at all. I really dont know what Im going to do without her. I had the sweetest, prettiest, most kind woman ever and I pushed her away. I wanted to do, what I wanted to do, and still have her be there for me. I was very selfish in that aspect. I should have paid more attention to her, actually been there for her, and cared more deeply about her than what I did. I took her for granted. I thought I already had her and that I didn't have to fight for her anymore. I now know I needed to fight for her everyday, emotionally and spiritually. I didn't do either of those often enough.

I want to be there for her now, I am willing to do whatever it takes, but she has built her wall so high, that it doesn't matter what I do. I want more than anything to have another chance.(and I want it to happen now) I know everyone says this is a marathon not a sprint, but I cant help feeling the way I do. Every time I get a text from her (which isnt often) Im hoping its going to say "hey I dont want this Divorce, can we talk" . Or something to that effect.

I now know, that she has thought about getting a divorce for along time, without my knowledge or without me noticing the signs. I hate the fact that she has put up this huge wall, that her heart is done and she is a completely different person. I wish she would let me in, just a little bit.

Its hard enough just to have a conversation with this new person, let alone be upbeat and be someone only a fool would let go. I can say Im trying to be positive, upbeat, caring, understanding and patient etc etc, buts it's really hard for me strike up a conversation with her. Atleast a conversation that's not about me. Once the kids go to bed, we usually do our own thing, in separate rooms. We dont talk much, I dont talk much and I am fairly short with my answers. Maybe I should try something different and see how that works. Maybe I should talk a bit more, be more open with her.