I would not ask if she is attracted to you, as it may cause her to over analyze her feelings and may not work out so well for you. You will know when she is attracted without having to ask.
It sounds as though you are almost tentative in your approach to her, am I reading this wrong? As if you are afraid to be "all in" so that you don't get hurt again? Your W will pick up on this vibe and reflect it back, creating a repeating pattern where neither of you approaches all the way.
I would suggest that in order for her to feel attracted to you, you must be doing a great job of meeting her largest emotional needs. You can't to a great job for a bit, then fall back for a while, then do a great job again. It must be consistent. Do you feel that you are doing a good job of this? This is a question that I WOULD ask your wife.
