I am sorry you are still in this position. As I said, I continued contact (on/off, no sex after the initial few months but contact nonetheless) until H drew a line in the sand and said that's it. I didn't even consider it 'contact' because the last time we ran into each other on accident (and hadn't talked, texted or seen each other in a long time) and I told him I was happy and hugged him. However, for someone who required no contact from you, that was contact. I just didn't think so at the time. Now if I seem him in the store or something, I go the other way as fast as I can because saying hi isn't worth trouble in my M or hurting my H. It just took him saying 'THAT'S IT' (and meaning it) to get there.
Anyway, my point is, I do not think your situation is going to change until you tell your H that as long as he is contact you are through. Let him know flat out that you don't believe him, you know he is in touch with her and you are through being there as a backup for him. And then, stick to it. No R talk, no need for counseling because he is not invested in your M right now. Talk to him about the children and any other conversations should be brief and initiated by him. Do not be rude, angry, etc. Always be friendly and kind when you speak but don't try to act as if your R is normal. He is going to have to be forced to make a decision and right now there isn't anything forcing him to do it. You have tried the other way and it isn't working. LRT is a must.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
