I told him I thought his behavior was disgusting and told him he needed to come over and take care of kids because I was going out. He got worried and asked what was wrong with me, he didn't want me to do "something you might regret" and what I was doing. I told him it was no concern of his. I also told him how I knew I was smart,beautiful..etc,etc,etc. I went out to dinner w/ a friend.
After that heated exchange, he asked his mom what was wrong with me and then told her he was thinking of coming back to make it work with me (his mom told me this conversation as I was going out to dinner)????
When I came home, H and his mom were at the house. H had been drinking. H went outside and I went out too. Started discussion w/ H. He said he was hurt by the things I said to him. Started discussing different things. I initiated kissing him ( I know this was a bad choice on my part considering everything-OW,drinking,etc...but as they say...it is what it is). Although he was hesitant, he reciprocated. H said he missed me and being intimated with me and did tell me at one point that he loved me. He also said it wasn't fair to me because he would still be gone in the morning. We kissed a lot and I told him I forgave him and myself for everything and he kept saying he didn't know how I could do this.
I sent H a text the following AM just saying good morning...trying to gage him. He didn't respond.
Several hours later though he texted me that his landlord was moving back and so he would have to find another place to live. I told him sorry and asked if he wanted to talk about last night.
Talked with H and he said he was sorry for the previous night. Said he remembered the action but not the words. I told him what was said. H told me that he could not forgive me or himself for all that has happened and that the things said and done the night before were just "the end of a relationship." I asked H is he thought R with OW would go somewhere. He said he didn't want to speak that out loud and that no matter how he answered it would hurt. My response was "so the answer is no." H did not agree or disagree with this statement.
I told him that I thought as long as there was OW then I needed to stop contact with him. His response was "we will talk later."
I didn't initiate contact with H but he did text me telling me about his student loan coming due. I wanted to say-talk to OW about it- but I just said I was sorry.
H came over the following Sunday (OW still at his house). D8 told him that she thought if he wanted to see them he should move back in with us. H then proceeded to tell them that he had to find another place to live. D8 said then you can move here. H didn't really say anything.Before H left that night, D8 asked again about him moving back and H told her he didn't think so. I told him that he was sending her mixed message by his response to her statements. He said he thought he should "just move back and never tell me how he really feels." He did not expand on that statement and I did not ask.
Final thing was yesterday. Suppose to be H days w/kids. H texts at 11:30 saying that he knew I had plans and that it was an inconvenience but he had to go to airport in couple hours (OW was leaving-FINALLY)and could he get the kids later in the afternoon. I called him and told him that I was sick of him manipulating me and the kids and that I'm sure he knew about this for awhile and that we should just forget about today. H didn't respond right away. I told him it was obvious he had other things going on and that when he was ready to talk he could call me.
I had friends over for dinner. H texted later in afternoon and said he wanted to see kids.I asked them if they wanted to see him. D 14 did but D8 did not (since there were kids her age here). H came to get D14. They came back around 8 and H ended up staying until 10:30 (like he usually does).
I am really not sure where to go from here. I have been thinking about setting boundaries with H (he needs to pick up/drop off the kids, not come in and hangout). I feel like I have kind of said things (not having contact w/H as long as OW). H says he wants us to still be there for each other and support each other. I'm just not sure if this is possible on my end since I still love H.
Any insight/advice? Thanks to anyone who reads my rambling
