Perspective - The Reality of the Trip

[RealityTrip]

Thanks friends. I've been away a few days. Doing a lot of thinking. I have a tendency to process and move much faster than my W. But sometimes I can barrel through it and it's good for me to slow down.

Everyone it right. Slow down. I think I've made it clear to W that I love and still desire her. That is all I need to do right now. I think there will come a time for more conversation, but I'm giving myself permission not to stress about it right now.

And.... remember when I said things were too quiet? Well, I'm still psychic. xOW sent and email. A begging, pleading, threat.

The email included the following:

1- How are you rehabbing?

2- I love you

3- I miss you

4- A chinese zodiac of their signs "proving" they were meant to be together

5- A statement that she "knew they were meant to be together" and "didn't understand why W can't see that"

6- A statement that she is going to move on. She is not waiting for W much longer.

(number 6 ultimatum has been given before... when they had contact during W's post-surgery hospital stay)

So W... responds and engages in an email and then text message conversation that turns decidedly angry.

xOW attacks W with things like, "You lied to me. Everything you ever told me was a lie." and "I think you never intended to divorce RT, you knew the whole time you were going back to her.", etc..., etc...

Ending in the W saying don't contact me again and the xOW saying "*F* you... you don't contact me again"

AND SO.... that's all fine and well BUT:

W didn't disclose the contact to me for 5 days. When she did I uncovered that she lied to me. Remember when I asked her if she'd had contact?... well she had... all of this. And by the time I was brought in the loop, some messages and emails had been deleted leaving gaps in the conversation.

So W and I had a talk about it:

- she "didn't want to hurt me"

- I told her she did simply by lying and that I do not need her to protect me from xOW communications.

- I also told her that if she was not finished with that relationship and still felt the need to communicate with her that I was strong and could handle that. She could leave again if she wanted.

W cried. And cried. And cried. She was sorry. And sorry. And sorry. She verbally bet herself up.

Later that night she sat down in front of me and said she had some things she needed to say. She told me how much she loved me. She told me how proud of me she was. She thanked me for being strong and for being there for her when she didn't deserve it. She told me she had blocked xOW from her I-chat and facetime. (hmmm.. but not FB and phone?... but then again, I have access to those, she might be thinking) She apologized for lying and recommitted herself to telling me if xOW contacts her immediately.

She hugged and hugged and then kissed me.

She just seems a mess. xOW sent her into a bit of a drama spin.

Me? After I thanked her and accepted her apology, I started focusing on my schedule for this week. My spring semester starts tomorrow. I've been nursing W and paving the smooth road for her... But she needs to do some of this on her own now. My focus is on my horizon... and I am just fine!