My W and I have been married for about 5 years, but have been dating for about 12 (since her senior year of high school). After moving in together and getting married we drifted apart over time as time went by (the initial shock of transitioning from living singly into a family household didn't help at the start, either).
We were pregnant after about two years. During the pregnancy an old friend of hers (back from when we were first dating) moved back into the area. After our DD was born my W fell victim to postpartum. During that time she never really connected to the new baby and just wanted to escape from being a parent and being in the new family. As soon as our DD was weaned from the breast to a bottle my wife started spending much of her weekends with the OM.
At first I thought it was a good thing. She was getting out, looked healthier, and was generally happier. Most can see where this is headed...they start talking all the time. An old friendship turns into an EA, which eventually evolves into a PA. This process continues for two years, all the while I'm taking care of our DD and home.
When I finally found out and confronted my WW, she confessed to it, but wasn't remorseful. She told the OM that the most he can hope for will be friends and if he pushes for more he's done. She has agreed to stay to work on the M, attend IC (which is big considering her disdain for therapists), and recognizes that it'll take time. She won't agree to NC, however, saying that right now she can't afford to lose a friend (we both have a handful of acquaintances, but generally only maintain two or three very close friends at a time). At the moment she only really has one other person besides the OM (apparently I'm family, so I don't count...she loves me but doesn't like me too much at the moment).
So...how does one go about unraveling the emotional attachment from a long-term emotional affair?
