Since my xh left, fled actually, I have learned a lot about his behavior and how it contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. He isn't in MLC, although it seemed like that due to his age and precipitating factors. No, my xh has a personality disorder. He has a personality disorder and has sociopathic behavior. He uses people and lies to get what he wants.

How did I not see this before? Because I was stuck in a insidious cycle of abuse that started when I was in my early 20's and continues to this day. I wonder how many other WAS's actually fit a similar description.

I've learned that people like my xh leave a relationship without notice and never look back. It's easy for them because they were never attached. However, they can't be alone and either have someone before they leave or quickly get into a relationship. They need allies so they bash the person the left, telling everyone that they're "crazy." They blame their victims and use justification for their actions. They have a strong sense of entitlement. They are the victims. They will lie, sneak, cheat, even commit fraud to get what they want.

When the person leaves they create desperation in their partner who begs and pleads and makes promises to get them back. They are narcissistic and egocentric so the LBS's behavior is just the kind of attention they crave.

These people destroy others emotionally and financially. Surprisingly, it's not uncommon for them to be in long-term relationships. However, they are always ready to flee. My xh has a P.O. box. He's probably had it for years. He's maintained it even though he's bought a home with OW. Interesting.

The Jekyll and Hyde behavior is typical. They act nice, accommodating and are seemingly cooperative until you stand up for yourself. Then the spew starts. This is a perpetual cycle.

It seems that quite a few WAS's show some or all of these characteristics. I'm hardly an expert, but I wanted to share my experience for what it's worth. My xh is a fraud. He never loved me. He can't. It felt like love at times, but it wasn't. We were together over two decades and during that time he eroded my sense of self and destroyed my soul. I'm still working on rebuilding myself.

If any of this sounds familiar, please educate yourself and protect yourself and your children emotionally, physically and financially.